My friend messaged me this morning in a vent of anger.

At 8 and a half months pregnant with her first child, she is nearing the end of her pregnancy, and looking forward to her baby’s fairly imminent arrival. Her body aches, her ankles are swollen, and living and working in the bustling city of Milan, she still has the arduous tube journey to work every single day.

This morning she experienced the commute from hell. A packed commuter tube train, mixed with 35 degree temperatures, she was desperate to sit down. Only one seat was available, one which another passenger had placed her bag. When my friend asked if she could sit down, the lady refused, saying she was saving the seat for her friend who was getting on at the next stop. My friend insisted and moved the bag to the floor, facing then a barrage of abuse, before finally a fellow passenger stood up for her, saying that for a pregnant woman the lady should give up the seat.

My friend asked me if I had experienced anything like it myself, and I was afraid to say that I too had seen a distinct lack of consideration from other passengers.

My view was that unfortunately these days, people seem to be so caught up in their own little worlds, stuck to their phone or plugged into some other electronic device, that they barely look up and consider the world around them. People (men in particular!) may also be scared to offer a seat unless pregnancy is VERY obvious, for fear of insulting someone who is actually not pregnant, and perhaps simply had too much bread with lunch! I found that despite some fairly obvious huffing and rubbing of my bump, very few people got the hint. Ignorance, or simply a lack of consideration?

I asked some of my fellow bloggers both in the UK and abroad about their experiences, and they vary quite significantly!

The Invisible Mama

Passengers most common response appears to be pretend that they haven’t noticed the pregnant woman standing before them. This may be genuine self absorption and failure to take in the world around them, or complete ignorance, it is not entirely sure which!

“One time I almost fainted in the early stages and had to crouch on the floor. The train was packed and nobody seemed to care which in itself was quite upsetting”. ScandiMummy

“I’ve never had the confidence to ask for someone to move out of their seat. Only this week I have had to get onto the bus with crutches and my growing bump and no one even looked up or offered to move their bags off seats meaning I had to stand! It’s extremely common but I always offer up my seat if I am able to stand up for the journey I just don’t understand why others wouldn’t”. RToatsBlog

“In the whole time I was pregnant with my second, only one person offered their seat to me and it was a young lad who was with his girlfriend. Even when I was on crutches with SPD, I had to step over people for the inside seat!” Tots and Tantrums

I was travelling on a packed commuter train when an elderly couple got on. The gentleman could barely stand and his wife wasn’t much better. Nobody got up to offer him a seat, so I gave him mine. I was 9 months pregnant. Nobody offered their seat to me or the gentleman’s wife. Plutoniumsox

The Rude

Some people are rude, ignore requests, or insist upon taking priority seating.

I had a horrific experience while flying at 31 weeks pregnant where a man actually shoved his way past me trying to get my bag down in the aisle once we’d landed. He actually knocked me back into to seat. To be fair he was mortified once I turned around and he saw the HUGE belly, made worse by the chap behind us having a go at him.  TippyTupps

When I was 8 months pregnant I asked someone if they would mind letting me have his seat. He refused so an old lady hit him with her umbrella until he got up. She gave him a proper mouthful too. And Another Ten Things

I was once walking onto a tram, 8 and a half months pregnant. A man literally pushed past me to get to the priority seat and then sat there with his headphones in. I stood for a few minutes doing some good British style tutting until another kind person offered me his seat. Friendly First Foods

Once when I was struggling, someone I was with asked a man to give up his seat for me. He shouted at us that some disabilities can’t be seen (fair enough), but he was so scary about it that I never asked anyone again. Veggie Desserts

The Accusatory

Some people actually got accused of lying, with other passengers believing they were faking pregnancy to try and gain access to a seat!

Because I didn’t have a bump with my children, at 8 months pregnant and suffering with really low blood pressure, when I had to take a bus to pick up my car from the garage, I politely asked if there was a seat for me. A young man on the bus accused me of lying about being pregnant and refused to give up his, and being so shaken by it I backed down. I wish I hadn’t! Five Little Doves

My baby bump wasn’t overly big throughout pregnancy and people often assumed I was just a lady carrying a bit of weight. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole when one man looked at me and yelled at the top of his lungs ‘no way is she fudging pregnant’ after a lady kindly gave up her seat on the bus journey home during the final few weeks of pregnancy. I was incredibly close to unzipping my winter jacket to reveal my ever-growing baby bump but thought otherwise. This Woman’s Word  

(Image: Rock n Roller Baby)

Does the Baby on Board badge work?

Transport for London crested the Baby on Board badge in the hope that passengers would be more respectful towards pregnant commuters… so does it work?

I used a baby on board badge. It made NO difference. Not even a little bit. At least on the trains it didn’t. I would ask and be ignored. I found the bus and underground people to be more accommodating. But the train folk? Assholes. We Forgot the Sperm

I used a baby on board badge but found on the tube in London that most people had their heads down and didn’t notice. It did change as I got bigger and other people would say something & I’d have a seat offered to me! Mixed experience for me but I think it was mostly as we’re often in our own world when travelling on public transport. Bridie By The Sea

I think the Baby on Board badge should be used by everyone as it helps clarify things for fellow passengers. I’ve had a few people give to their seat for me when I was wearing it. BUT, in the most ultimate cringe worthy moment, I was travelling alone on the tube a few months after having the baby and was feeling a bit bloated. A lady tapped me on my shoulder and offered me her seat. As I sat down it dawned on me that she thought I was pregnant! Oh noo! But I couldn’t correct her in case that put her off offering her seat to anyone ever again so I sat there mortified! If we all wore the Baby on Board badge consistently this wouldn’t have happened! Maidenhead Mum 

Positive Experiences

I must travel on the friendliest train – I never had any issues with people not giving up their seat for me. I was lucky that generally the train had free seats when I got on, but if there were delays or issues and the train was packed, I was always let on the train first, and if I wasn’t given a seat immediately, I’d have other people yelling “this lady’s pregnant, she needs a seat!”. Really positive experience all round! Something About Baby 

Ironically for my friend, some of the international experiences were the most positive ones, albeit not in Italy!

I commuted when pregnant from the UK and worked out of Paris. Never once did someone in the UK offer to give up their seat for me on a train or a bus. However in Paris, every single time it was offered. Especially on the tube at commuter time. They would not hear of a pregnant woman standing! Tippy Tupps

In Barcelona when I was 12 weeks ( and not showing) on my first I was on a train feeling so sick and just absent mindedly rubbing my belly. A nun came over and rubbed my belly and said familia??? or something which sounded like that? I nodded and she made two young boys move so I could sit. Munchies and Munchkins 

I live in the Paris suburbs and when you are pregnant here in France you are treated like someone precious. You don’t ever have to queue: e.g. in supermarkets or for any museums or galleries… and my experience was that everyone was incredibly accommodating on transport – being given seats, helped with my 10-16 month old (I was 3 months pregnant when we moved here). Mother and baby parking is very rare though, and spaces are small – I got stuck and couldn’t get back in my car once in late pregnancy!!!). From the moment you declare your pregnancy on forms you are labelled as having a “maladie” (an illness) and that’s the French attitude towards it – ie, you are ill and need to be looked after. I loved being pregnant here – many perks!!! Five Little Stars 

Then of course, there is the fact that some pregnant women prefer to stand!!

I travelled a lot by train and underground with both pregnancies. I found people offered to give up their seat even when there were empty seats! I found (especially with my twin pregnancy) that I preferred to stay stood up. I do think people should offer to give up their seat to anyone who needs it more than them, 90% of my travel is on public transport and in my experience this is the case. An Organised Mess    

Sometimes if I was travelling when pregnant with my one year old in a buggy I’d prefer to stand with her and people were most put out if I turned an offered seat down! Scrapbook Blog

What were your experiences of travelling when pregnant? Would you be willing to ask someone to move?