Nightmares. All part of growing up I’m told – but it doesn’t make them any less upsetting for all concerned! Erin’s spent most of her short life being a terrible sleeper, but over the last 6 months has generally slept through unless she has a bad dream.
Unfortunately the nightmares have become a little more common over recent weeks and I’m unsure of the reason why. With baby no.2 due to join us shortly, maybe she’s feeling a little vulnerable, or maybe it’s just her imagination running wild – who knows. Last nights however, broke my heart.
I was woken up by her screaming at around 12.30am – at this point she was still mid dream. At first I couldn’t make out the words, but then quickly realised she was shouting ‘Wait! Mummy Wait!!!’ She then started to cry and sat bolt upright in bed, calling me in to her room. She was inconsolable. Real ploppy tears running down her cheeks. I gave her a massive cuddle and asked if she had a bad dream. She wiped away her tears and said yes. When I asked her what happened, she said three simple words. 3 simple words that broke my heart in one clean swoop. ‘Mummy left me’.
I wanted to cry. I scooped her up into the biggest hug I could muster and told her I would never leave her. She calmed down. Her breathing became less laboured and she quickly nodded off wrapped up safely in my arms. Then my heart ached even more knowing that this wasn’t true. I will leave her, most likely overnight, for the first time ever when I go to have her baby sister. I am so scared of her feeling abandoned, and the Mum Guilt is getting fairly heavy already! I also know that inevitably, at some point, I will have to leave her, just like my mum left me. All I can hope and pray is that it’s not any time soon, and that I am lucky enough to see my children grow up! 🙁
Hoping for a peaceful night’s sleep tonight!!!