This is a collaborative post
One of the most real emotions that every Mother feels isn’t happiness or sadness; it’s guilt. It’s one of those annoying emotions that is ingrained in everything we do – even if we didn’t feel particularly guilty for much before the kids came along. If you go to work, you feel guilty. If you stay at home to look after the kids, you feel guilty for not contributing financially. If you wait until later life to have children, you feel guilty for not giving them your youth, but if you have a child in your teens, you feel guilty for the wasted opportunity to go and be a kid. Motherhood: no one said it was less than complicated!
Being the best Mum that you can be isn’t just about putting dinner on the table every day or spending ninety billion hours doing flashcards. (NB: there are not that many hours, but flashcards make it feel that way!)
Guilt may consume everything that you do in your day, but Mum, I can promise you that you are already the best Mother that you can be simply because you are worried about it. So many Mothers emphasize the way that other Mothers judge them, and we are all terrible for that. The thing is, we judge other Mothers around us because of our own insecurities, not because we actually believe we’re doing anything wrong.
Judgements can be painful, but it gives you pause to look deeper within yourself. If you are a mother now but previously spent time in alcohol rehab, then you deserve applause for your strength. If you are covered head to toe in tattoos, and your baby is giggling while tracing the pictures on your skin with a plump little finger, you deserve applause for your creativity. Every single Mother, no matter her past, her present or her hopeful future, is aiming to be the best Mum they can be. They do it while heavy with guilt, bubbling in happiness and collapsing in sadness all at the same time. It’s beautiful, scary, overwhelming and delightful to be a Mother. You can only ever do your best for you and your children, and your best is not going to look the same as someone else’s.
Your best might be going to the park every day just to get some fresh air. However, there might be a mother there looking strained and sad because she’s outside and craving the cigarettes she gave up the moment she discovered she was pregnant. She’s doing her best, too. Mothers need a community, a village, to survive. If you think you can reach out to another Mother and be someone for her, you should do it. Being your best self as a Mother may feel hard every single day, but the love and smiles you get from your children will be enough. Even through their tears, they love you.
You’re doing the best you can – and your best is always going to be enough.
