As someone who has exclusively breastfed both of my children for extended periods of time, I get asked a lot of questions about breastfeeding, both on social media and via my blog itself. I am by no means an expert, but I have certainly experienced many of the highs and lows of breastfeeding and am more than happy to share my advice and experiences.
Before I had children, I found the prospect of extended breastfeeding a little bizarre, and I was the first to admit that I had even judged mums for extended breastfeeding, thinking it was the mums way of failing to accept that their baby was growing up. Despite initially having these negative thoughts around breastfeeding, I fed my firstborn for just over 2 years, and am currently still breastfeeding a 3 year old. Whilst it was never my intention to breastfeed for so long, we have found a pattern that works well for me and my family but I do wonder how long it will be before we need to stop.
Some of the most common questions I get asked about breastfeeding however, aren’t what you might expect. It isn’t how to deal with nipple confusion, how to get your breastfed baby to take a bottle or even how to cope with mastitis or relentless cluster feeding during the night. It’s how to stop. How do you stop breastfeeding when you are ready? When to stop breastfeeding a toddler? How to stop breastfeeding when the child is showing no desire to self wean? Or in my case right now – how to stop breastfeeding a three year old? Where do you even begin?
I thought it would be helpful to share my experience on how to wean from breastfeeding and the steps we followed with my eldest child, as well as some of the methods I am going to use to stop breastfeeding my 3 year old in the coming months. It is worth noting that you should only stop breastfeeding when you feel ready to do so, and not be influenced by other peoples judgement or opinions. Extended breastfeeding can sadly still be a little taboo, but this shouldn’t make you feel like you need to wean before they are ready. Remember WHO recommendfeeding your baby for up to 2 years and beyond!
When to stop breastfeeding?
First things first, there is no right or wrong time to stop breastfeeding, however, I would recommend avoiding a time when you have friends or family staying or an important presentation coming up at work. Making a big change and stopping breastfeeding a toddler or even an older child is likely to be a big change to their routine and as such, is likely to cause a period of unsettlement or even upset as they start to adjust. For that reason, I would always pick a time during the holiday period or when you are around as much as possible, so that they can adapt to the changes without you having to cope with even less sleep than normal.
It probably goes without saying, but it’s also not a great idea to try and wean just after a new sibling has arrived on the scene (as this could lead to jealousy and feeling displaced by the new baby), or at the same time as tackling another major milestone such as potty training or moving them into their own bed.
Should I wait for my child to self wean?
Many babies will self wean or feed to natural term and make the decision to stop breastfeeding themselves, with some showing signs of weaning from the breast from as early as 12 months, particularly if they are eating well and drinking lots of fluids throughout the day. That said, neither of my children showed any signs of self weaning, and if anything, they used the breast as a comfort to help them settle back to sleep or settle down at bedtime. You may prefer to wait for them to self wean, but you may be waiting some time. There will always be situations where you may need to stop breastfeeding quickly, such as when returning to work, going away or for health reasons, or you may simply decide that your breastfeeding journey needs to come to an end for you and your own mental health.
How to wean your baby from breastfeeding?
Here are the steps that we followed and my tips on how to stop breastfeeding a toddler. I am going to start something similar shortly to attempt at wean my 3 year old off breastfeeding.
Introduce another sort of milk – When my eldest was still breastfeeding at two, she had never tried formula, and I was reluctant to introduce it at this late stage, however I did start offering her a cup of warm cows milk before bed. Even if she didn’t drink a great deal of it, we started this as a new stage in her bedtime routine so she got used to this new habit and gradually started to consume a bit more. We did this very slowly, as we didn’t want to stop breastfeeding quickly and completely confuse her. We also didn’t want to stop breastfeeding too suddenly for me either, as stopping quickly can have a real impact on your hormones and lead to engorgement or discomfort too.
Partner take over – After a few weeks of adding a cows milk drink to her bedtime routine, we then switched up our bedtime routine a little more, and instead of me putting her to bed, my partner would try instead. The first few nights were difficult, as obviously she really wanted her Mum, but knowing that her tummy was full from cows milk and that she really just wanted the comfort, we resisted the urge to swap back, and whilst it took far longer than usual, she would eventually drift off to sleep.
One step at a time – During the transitional period we did find that she would still wake during the night and occasionally want milk, in which case I didn’t refuse it, but I also took the attitude that if she didn’t ask, I wouldn’t offer. Breastfeeding can become very habitual for both Mum and baby, and when you are tired it can be all to easy to offer the breast as a quick and efficient way to get them back to sleep. Instead if she didn’t ask I would cuddle and stroke her hair, letting her know I was still there to comfort her without needing to feed her like we may automatically have done in the past.
Distraction – If your older child is still breastfeeding during the day, distraction can be a very easy way of prolonging the amount of time between feeds and thus the amount of breastmilk they consume. 9 times out of 10 with my girls the request for breastfeeding had been a request for comfort, the feeling of warmth and closeness with their Mum. Teaching them that they don’t have to feed every single time they lie on your chest can be an uphill battle, but they will get there!
For me personally, the biggest factor in successfully weaning your baby from the breast is the support and help from your partner. As someone who isn’t used to waking up in the night (the lucky sod!) Mike found it hard when I asked him to go into her during the night, but her realising that it isn’t always Mummy that can help her get back to sleep was really important.
I know that very soon I will be putting some of these methods to the test again and Neve is extremely stubborn so its not going to be easy!! I will be sad when our breastfeeding journey comes to an end, but there are plenty of lovely experiences to come and who knows, one day I might just get that illusive good nights sleep!
Do you have any tips for how to stop breastfeeding a toddler? I’d love to hear how others have approached it, please do share in the comments below.
When you have a new baby and start your breastfeeding journey, the onslaught of advise can make it a pretty overwhelming place.
Adding to the challenge that breastfeeding is new to both you AND your baby, it appears that everyone (quite literally everyone) has a view on what your doing and how.
‘Hold her like this’, ‘no try this hold instead’. ‘You need to get her to stay on the breast for longer’, ‘don’t let her go longer than 3 hours between feeds’. Then there’s the conflicting messages – ‘breastfed babies don’t get wind’, ‘maybe it’s colic’, ‘she’s cluster feeding’, ‘try and get her to go longer between feeds’, ‘give her some water’, ‘don’t give her other fluids – breast milk is all she needs’ ‘Breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt’ – so why does it hurt?! Urgh. It’s relentless.
That said, for every mixed message you get given about breastfeeding in those early days, one things for sure, in most cases someone you know will have been there. They’ll have come through the cracked nipples and made it out the other side. Worked through cluster feeding and finally got their evenings back, learned to express and have a break, tackled blocked milk ducts and have felt rough as a dog with mastitis and recognise the signs. They’ll be on hand to offer advise for when baby grows her first tooth, starts combining milk with solid food and on how the hell you teach them to cope without you when you go back to work. They’ll even help you with hints and tips when you decide to stop, decide to switch to formula or regular milk or drop the milk feeds altogether.
But when you DON’T stop breastfeeding, everything goes a little bit quiet. Suddenly your pool of contacts for advise and support start to dwindle, and so when you do experience something out of the ordinary; a little bit different to your ‘normal’ it can leave you feeling a little bit lost – it’s a pretty lonely place.
I never planned to breastfeed a 1 year old, I never planned to breastfeed a toddler, and my god I never planned to still be feeding as she approaches her 3rd birthday.
I’m very aware of the judgement and stigma associated with extended breastfeedingand I’ve sadly experienced it first hand. I will also be the first to admit that I too was the one judging before I had children of my own. I didn’t have a clue. But because of this, people may be less inclined to ask for help. Less likely to post in the groups, ask on their socials, reach out to a stranger. It can be hard, you can feel stuck; and speaking as someone who hasn’t had a night away from her since the day she was born; it can be relentless.
I’ve had those horrible comments – the
‘god your not still breastfeeding her are you?’ ‘Is mike still on the boob too?’ (My partner) and ‘bitty’. I’ve even had people tell me it’s weird, and ‘why don’t I just stop’. As if it was that simple. I try and laugh them off but the comments sting. I don’t even know what to say. I now feel embarrassed to talk about it, so I quite simply don’t.
But just because you don’t talk about it doesn’t mean the questions stop.
This week, things have been weird. As the one who’s put her to bed every single night since the day she was born; she’s refused and been fussy 3 nights on the trot. She’s cried and asked for Daddy, once told me my milk tastes funny and then has struggled to settle at bedtime. I want to reach out to a friend and ask ‘is this what natural weaning looks like?’ ‘Is this normal?’ or as google would have me believe ‘shit do I have breast cancer?!’ – (as a health anxiety sufferer, wondering off into the abyss that is google for advice was never going to end well).
But there was no one I could ask. Thankfully I was brave enough to reach out to another blogger @nomipalomy who I knew had extended breast fed her daughter too. Whilst she hadn’t experienced what I had, she could at least offer some insights and ideas to help.
I hate the thought of other Mums feeling just as lost as I have this week so I wanted to say my inbox is always open. I may not have experienced it, but trust me when I say I’ve been through quite the rollercoaster when it comes to the highs and lows of breastfeeding and I’m always happy to give my insights too!
6 years ago I was child free and newly pregnant. I was excited about expecting my first child and I felt like I had a rough idea about what parenting would be like. I expected lots of sleepless nights, lots of nappy changes and a huge amount of crying (from the baby and from me!). I had decided I wanted to breastfeed and was hopeful it was something I’d be able to do. At the same time, I was keen not to put too much pressure on myself, and if didn’t work out, I was comfortable with feeding my baby in whichever way fate decided. Assuming that feeding was successful, my aim was to reach 6 months on the breast before moving on to formula so that myself and my partner would share the feeds. In my head it all seemed so straightforward.
It turns out I didn’t have a clue.
In the months after learning I was expecting, I visited a friend who had breastfed both her children, keen to learn about her experiences and get some tips and advice about life as a Mum. She was still breastfeeding her 2 year old and told me how her daughter wasn’t yet ready to be weaned. Extended breastfeeding was all a bit new to me.
I’ll be honest, I was a complete judgemental idiot.
I came away feeling extended breastfeeding was ‘strange’ and odd to be still breastfeeding a toddler, vowing to myself that I would never do the same. I formed the view that it was no longer necessary for her feed her toddler and that it was more the Mum simply failing to accept her baby wasn’t a newborn anymore, as opposed to her child benefiting from her milk.
I found it odd that her toddler could ask for milk like she would a drink and became slightly uncomfortable when she got up on to her Mum’s lap, putting herself into position, dropping not so subtle hints that it was time for her afternoon nap, and therefore probably time that I should leave.
I formed an opinion of extended breastfeeding right there and then – I judged her, and I was totally wrong to do so.
I’m sorry.
More than anything I’m sorry because 6 years later, here I am – I have become you. I now am that mother. Extended breastfeeding. The Mum who breastfed her eldest till she was 25 months, and is sat here after 22 months still extended breastfeeding my second.
I never expected to breastfeed for this long. I never expected to develop a love hate relationship with feeding. I never expected to have a baby who still needs me in the same way as she does now; relying on milk more than she should, partly due to eating challenges, and partly through comfort. I never expected to put her to bed every single night since she was born or to have days where I wanted to cry because I simply needed a break. I have days where I want to quit followed by days where I feel incredibly sad at the prospect of my breastfeeding days coming to an end.
And now, the thought of people judging me for extended breastfeeding in the same way I judged her makes me feel sad and uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to the point that sadly, I tend to hide the fact I still feed my daughter, I rarely feed in public and I discuss it as little as possible.
When I get invited on nights out that would involve missing bedtime, I gracefully decline, hoping to avoid conversations about why I can’t make it, or making up some other vague excuse, embarrassed to admit that despite her being nearly two years of age I’m unable to leave my baby alone with my partner for the night. If I’m with friends or non parents and Neve shows signs of wanting milk I try to distract her; to buy some time and to wait until we are home, in the safety of our own four walls where I can feed her without her the risk of judging eyes and negative connotations.
And this in it’s entirety makes me sad. At the end of the day, despite having regular feelings of frustration, wishing I’d done some things differently or approached things a different way, I am proud of having breastfed my girls. It’s not something to be ashamed of and I shouldn’t have to hide it.
I have no idea when my extended breastfeeding journey will finally come to an end but for now, I will simply take each day at it comes, and when a friend asks me my experiences, I hope that she can be a little less judgemental than me!
Breastfeeding is quite the rollercoaster. Ask any mother who has breastfed or attempted to breast feed their children, and you can pretty much guarantee that no matter how long their feeding journey was for, whether it was exclusive, combination or expressed, they will have been through their fair share of highs, lows and challenges. There are so many things about breastfeeding that people don’t tell you, that it is often hard to know what to expect.
I have recently reached 18 months of exclusively breastfeeding my 2nd child, having fed my eldest for around 25 months. I am incredibly proud of this and it is something that despite facing some huge challenges, I wouldn’t change for the world.
I thought it would be useful to share my highs, lows and life savers of my breastfeeding journey so far. Whilst I appreciate many of these are personal to me, and that everyone’s experience is different, I thought it may prove helpful to those who may be just starting their journey, or wanting to know more about what to expect.
Highs
Quickly establishing feeding after c section – When I found out I was having a c-section this is something I was quite nervous about. Having successfully fed my first child, I was desperate to breast feed again, and was nervous that a less natural birth would complicate the process and make it harder to establish feeding. I needn’t have worried, within minutes of getting back into a side room post section I asked if I could try and encourage her to latch, and I am so glad that we did this early on. She appeared to know what to do straight away, and within minutes of being born she was feeding well. I know not everyone has this experience, so I am very grateful for this. If you are having a section and are concerned about feeding, I would recommend trying at the earliest opportunity. As long as it is deemed safe to do so, there is no reason for any significant delay. I’ve shared some hints and tips for c-section birthing partners too which you may find useful.
Good milk supply – With both pregnancies I have been incredibly lucky to have good milk supply – if anything a little more milk than was absolutely necessary!!! Despite this resulting in lots of engorgement early on, different sized breasts between feeds and a little spraying here and there (handy for annoying the other half with!), I didn’t have to worry about my daughter not getting enough, as I could visually see and orally HEAR the amount of milk my body was producing. With my first I was still paranoid about growth and had her weighed far more often than I needed to, but with Neve I was a lot more relaxed and trusted my body to do what it needed to do.
The second time around I felt a lot more nervous about feeding in public, and I have absolutely no idea why – perhaps it was having an older child in tow that made things a little less discreet, and the fact I had to have my wits about me to do two things simultaneously!! That said, I was able to find lots of breastfeeding friendly locations close to home where I felt completely comfortable feeding Neve and where there was good facilities and child friendly activities to keep her older sister entertained. Whilst you obviously don’t have to cover up during feeding, with Erin I invested in a breast feeding apron, which I found made me feel far more relaxed and less self conscious, particularly in the early days. As she got bigger and I gained in confidence, I tended to stick to the one up one down method (two vest tops), which is actually incredibly discreet and most people probably wouldn’t even notice!!
The thing I am most proud of from this breast feeding journey is that I continued to feed Neve despite being poorly with sepsis and a prolonged hospital stay. As a breastfeeding Mum, I was allowed to have Neve stay with me as a hospital ‘lodger’ where as if she had been bottle fed she would have most likely had to stay at home with her father. Already struggling with the situation and not being able to walk, being apart from my newborn and my eldest would have probably pushed my mental health over the edge! Breastfeeding was the one thing at this time that I felt I actually could do, so I was strongly against anything that may have prevented this, even turning down the stronger pain killers so that I could continue to feed her myself. The midwives all said how proud of me they were for persisting even when times got tough, and I am very glad that I
Neve an I now have an incredible bond – she clearly loves her mum, and her little face lights up whenever I enter the room. Clearly this isn’t just to do with breast milk, and I am not suggesting that it would be any different if we bottle fed (before I get lynched!) but those weeks we spent together just the two of us and the bedtime snuggles we have every single night clearly help.
Growth – Watching Neve’s growth in her little red book knowing for the first 6 months that her growth and thriving was entirely down to me was definitely something to be proud of. Neves weight was perfect, growing along the percentile chart and tracking with her weight perfectly as the weeks went by.
Financial – Another big benefit to breastfeeding long term has been the financial savings – we have saved a huge amount of money by not having to buy formula or bottles, and that money has been very useful elsewhere, particularly when it has come to covering the additional expenses of having two children!
I have to be honest in that I have found breastfeeding 2nd time around relatively straightforward once established – a lazy Mums dream! The thought of trapesing downstairs to sterilise bottles in the middle of the night doesn’t bear thinking about!
However, in the words of Princess Poppy, it’s not all been rainbows and cupcakes… We have had a few hard times breastfeeding too!!
Lows
As was the case with Erin, we experienced some major cluster feeding at the beginning – I remember thinking “She can’t be hungry again?!!!” as I latched her on for what felt like the hundredth time that day. The night times were hard, as between 7pm and 2am she was pretty much permanently attached to my breast, and the physical (and mental) exhaustion was pretty tough. Thankfully this stage doesn’t last forever!!
Engorgement – Ouch. For some reason with Neve I really struggled with engorgement in the early days. If need had an off day or didn’t feed as often as normal I would reaallllly know about it. Queue rock hard boobs, painful to the touch, and the need for a very good breast pad!!!!
One of my biggest lows this time around has been related to the lack of sleep. Neve is awake a lot feeding during the night, even now at 18 months of age. We are all told we should teach our babies to self settle, and whist I completely agree and understand the concept (it’s a mistake I promised not to make again second time around) it is very hard to do successfully when you are breastfeeding! As with Erin, Neve pretty much fell asleep on the breast every time when she was tired, and I was hardly going to wake her up when she was content in order to pop her down in the cot awake again. As a result, whilst the breastfeeding has been successful, she does now associate feeding with sleep, struggling to drift off without it. As such, I have kind of failed to teach my daughter the most important life skill of all! Who’s the dummy now??
At times I have been so tired and frustrated that I have got what can only be described as ‘Touch rage’ – when she is messing around, or playing with my bra straps or nipples rather than feeding I find myself getting incredibly frustrated, and at times just want to be left alone!!! On a few occasions I have had to pop her in the cot, leave the room and give myself 5 minutes before I return. This is always worse when it is particularly hot (see surviving breastfeeding in a heatwave). I think people underestimate the amount of pressure feeding can be on a Mum, and for me, this constant feeling ‘messed with’ can form a big part of that!
Despite promising to do so, we didn’t establish Neve on a bottle. We had planned to try and express a bottle at least once a day so that Mike could occasionally help with feeds when I was feeling tired, however my illness and extended hospital stay kind of put pay to that. As a result, sole dependency for feeding fell to me and at times that can be pretty tough. It also means my social life has been pretty much non existent, as evenings out aren’t an option at the moment. That said, they are only little once, so there is plenty of time for date nights when they are a little older! 🙂
Despite medics saying that Breast Fed babies often eat better, due to the range of flavours from their Mother’s diet, Neve definitely hasn’t fell into this category, and we are still under a Dietitian as her ability to eat solid foods is pretty limited. I know that this is quite a rare position to be in, but as a result of her limited diet, even at 18 months breast milk still forms a major part of her night time routine, and is not something I feel I can refuse as it remains a big source of nutrients!
As an Emetophobic, there have also been some person challenges relating to breastfeeding a toddler. Neve has had a few tummy bugs in her life so far, and close physical contact when she has been vomiting has not been pleasant for me! The anxiety I’ve experienced having to continue feeding through the bugs has been pretty horrendous, but I know it was the right thing to do for my daughter.
Finally, knowing that Neve is my last baby, and as such that this will be the last breastfeeding I ever do is quite emotional!! I know that when the time comes, that last ever feed will be quite a wrench, but I am so proud of what my body has achieved.
The Life Savers
As a breast feeding Mum, there are a few things that have been total Life Savers, particularly in those early days.
The first was Lanolin – to the degree that I would say every hospital bag needs a tube of this. Whilst it isn’t cheap, it is worth every penny. I found it so helpful to apply a small amount to my nipples after every feed, particularly in the days before your milk is fully established, and it helped to prevent cracked, sore or red friction burns from regular feeding. It is also completely safe to use from birth, so you can have total peace of mind that it wont harm baby in any way.
Breast pads – as someone with a very strong milk supply, if I didn’t wear good quality berast pads I could pretty much guarantee ending up with a large wet mark on my tshirt!! I tried a few different ones, but with breast pads, I think the concept of “you get what you pay for” definitely applies. My personal favourite were the Lansinoh Breast Pads – comfortable, stayed in place and the most absorbent of the lot. I very rarely had any leakage when these were popped in my bra before a feed!
Cereal Bars – there is no denying, breastfeeding is thirsty work, so in the early days, I used to keep a box of cereal bars in the nursery to keep my energy levels up during night feeds. It sounds daft, but looking after a little one can make you forget to look after yourself, and with breastfeeding the two go very much hand in hand. As much as you need to make sure baby is fed, ensuring you eat regularly and well is crucial to establishing successful feeding.
Support Groups – having support to continue breastfeeding when times get tough is crucial, and I have been lucky enough to have support not only face to face but also online. I am in two local breastfeeding groups both of which have been invaluable – Breastfeeding Solihull and Liverpool Community BAMBIs. These closed facebook groups meant I could ask questions in relative private settings and within minutes have answers from both professional breastfeeding support workers and a wealth of other Mums who had been in the same situation – trust me you are never alone even when at times it can feel like you’re the only person awake in the world!
For the fashion conscious amongst you id also recommend the group Can I Breastfeed in it UK?, full of ideas and inspiration for breastfeeding friendly fashion!
So there we have it, 18 months in and I have no idea when our breastfeeding journey will come to an end. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs, but my daughter is happy and healthy, and its great to know that I have been a huge part of that.
Good luck to anyone just starting their feeding journey, and if you have any questions you want to ask please feel free to pop them in the comments! 🙂
Me. That’s who. Me. Lucy, Mummy, Mama. Whatever you want to call me – I am officially a dummy. 16 months into my breastfeeding journey, and I’ve shifted from breast feeding warrior to dummy in one fowl swoop.
We’ve all heard the debates – the mud slinging between breast and bottle Mums, the constant breast is best statistics or research trying to reinforce the message that breast is best or to encourage women who may otherwise stop to feed for just that little bit longer.
I don’t doubt that breast IS best for baby: I wouldn’t have fed both girls for as long as I have without a desire to want to do it. We’ve had our fair share of hurdles to overcome, and so far, this far we’ve got through everyone unscathed. When I was ill with sepsis after Neve was born, unable to walk or move from the four walls of my hospital bed, feeding was literally all felt I could do for Neve. The only bit of normality I had in my life. Since then our journey has been relatively drama free. She has grown well, latched well, and I have had a good milk supply, with our main pain points being around lack of sleep and the odd blocked duct thrown into the mix.
However, whilst breast is best for baby, what about Mum?
What happens when breast being best for baby becomes a brutal battle for the mum? What happens when it shifts from a good supply of nutrition and nurture to the role of comforter; – Who’s the dummy now??
I’m in to month 16 of feeding Neve and I am broken. My role of nursing mother has changed. No longer am a source of nutrition, supplementing her terrible non existent diet (see our Dietitian Journey), but a sleeping aid – and a bad one at that.
She wakes in the night and she needs me, or specifically the breast to return to sleep. If I try and cuddle her or comfort her another way she gets angry and arches her back, pushing away like I’m some kind of incessant germ. God forbid Mike goes in to try and give me a break – then the rage sets in and she refuses to even let him pick her up out the cot let alone try and comfort her. She knows he doesn’t have what she needs and as such, she doesn’t want to know.
I eventually give in, peering at the clock through heavy lidded eyes, desperately hoping I can squeeze in just a few more minutes sleep before my alarm goes off for work. She feeds, her small yet rapidly growing body slowly relaxing in my arms until she releases in a barely conscious slumber before giving me the sign that she’s ready to lie down again. The short sharp nudges in my arms that tells me my role is done, she’s got what she wanted, she doesn’t want me anymore and she just wants to sleep, not even rewarding my efforts with a sleepy cuddle on my chest.
I know when my breastfeeding days are over I will miss being needed; miss being the one she turns to when her molars are pushing, her gums are sore or when she feels out of sorts. I will miss the beaming smile and chants of ‘Mama!!!!!’ when I get in late from work – the clear relief on her face that Mummy is home, and that milk will follow soon after.
But for now, this stage of my breastfeeding journey is tough. I am officially a dummy. An overused dummy who has seen better days.
Of all the parenting topics, this is the one that creates the strongest and widest of opinions. I hate the constant battle and debate, and wish that women could be left to make their own educated choices without fear of retribution.
As an established breast feeder, still feeding my 11 month old daughter, I also worry that by writing about my experiences of breastfeeding, I will wrongly be deemed to be part of the Anti Bottle Brigade – something which couldn’t be further from the truth.
I don’t talk about how I used to judge women who fed beyond 1 year, or how I had to eat my own words and admit I was wrong when I accidentally became an extended breastfeeder, finally weaning her at the age of 2 and a half.
I don’t talk about it, because whilst I am proud to have breastfed, for me it’s a very private thing.
So why am I talking about it today?
I read an article today in the Guardian about breastfeeding that struck a chord with me.
For once, this wasn’t just an article solely focusing on how ‘breast is best’ or selling the benefits of breastfeeding to try and increase rates in the UK (a pretty dire 1% breastfeeding past the age of 6 months). It was talking about Keeping It Real.
Across the UK, experts are calling for the ‘multiple barriers to breastfeeding to be broken down’ – talking about introducing breastfeeding education into schools and colleges, so that breastfeeding becomes a normal part of everyday life.
The Guardian however took an interesting view, believing that part of the reason breast feeding rates are so low in the UK is that it is painted to be some kind of calm, idyllic, wondrous experience between you and your baby, and that sharing a more warts and all view may prevent women from feeling like a failure when this is far from the reality.
If women could chose to breastfeed knowing that their journey won’t automatically be easy, and that there will be multiple hurdles along the way, they may be less inclined to stop when they hit the first one.
I have to say I agree.
Whilst there are many genuine reasons why women are unable to breastfeed, have supply issues, tongue tie or babies in ncu, there are also many who don’t get the support they need or simply find it hard. They think that the way it feels in those early days, those relentless early days, are the way it will feel forever, which it won’t.
Whilst breastfeeding has bought me some of the ultimate highs in my parenting journey so far, it would be wrong of me to paint it as a picture of perfection. It has also contributed to many of my parenting lows, and some of most challenging experience of my life.
So keeping it real.
It’s breastfeeding awareness week and I would love for more women to breast feed. But to do so, and to keep it up, they need to go into it with their eyes open.
Breastfeeding is hard work.
It is relentless and it is exhausting.
It is not the picture perfect image of a woman dressed in white, cradling her baby’s head whilst she tenderly wraps her fingers around her mothers. Sure, it can be. It can be some of the most magical bonding moments you will ever have. But the next feed can be completely different. The next feed can be baby flicking your bra strap with one hand, whilst trying to rip your nose off with the other. The next feed could be biting and clawing, fussing and pulling. But then they nod off in your arms, and the joy comes flooding back.
It is at times the best feeling in the world and at others, insights what I can only describe as touching rage, where you want nothing more than to let someone else to take over.
There is constant pressure. Pressure to give enough, pressure to not feed too much, pressure to be the sole source of nutrition for your child. In our case, as we failed to establish a bottle, my partner sits on the sidelines, unable to help with feeds, whilst my daughter fed relentlessly throughout the night. I have been exhausted, I have been snappy, and I have been desperate for a break.
I have lost count of the number of times I have dumped my daughter on to my partner, only to be called in moments later with calls of ‘she needs you’, followed by guilt and love when she finally settles in my arms.
In the 27 months I breastfed Erin I experienced biting, mastitis, blocked ducts and breast refusal. Leaky boobs, spraying boobs and cracked nipple boobs.
Yet when I had Neve, I didn’t question doing it all over again.
When Neve was born, I contracted Sepsis. I couldn’t walk and was offered stronger pain killers if I stopped feeding and I refused. In those early weeks as a Mum of two I was pretty much helpless as a parent – except for breastfeeding. Feeding my baby was the only thing I could do completely unaided and I was darned if they were going to take that away from me.
I knew it would be hard. I knew at times I would wish for a day off. I knew at times I would sit in a room in the middle of the night for the 5th time since bedtime wondering what life would be like if I’d done things a little differently.
But would I still chose to breastfeed? Knowing what I know, would I put myself through it again?
Hi, I’m Lucy, a thirty something mum of two from Birmingham. A memory maker, tradition keeper, stationery addict and Mr Men fanatic. HR Advisor by day and sleep deprived Mama by night!
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