I’ve been at home now for 13 weeks. 91 days, 2184 days. However you look at it – that’s a bloody long time. Back in the middle of March, looking back, I honestly had no idea what lay ahead of us. I’d seen the pandemic spreading across China and remember being shocked when the Lombardy region of Italy was sent into lockdown; my close friend in Milan being one of the first to experience that reality. But although I knew it was likely to reach the UK soon after; I never expected that 13 weeks on, we would only just be starting to see signs of lockdown easing and that life as I knew it would change significantly.
After some pretty big wobbles back at the start of lockdown, the difference from my first month to this last one has been huge, going from being literally housebound to exercising outside daily. I can honestly say that my daily exercise has literally saved my sanity and helped protect my mental health during what otherwise would have been a very triggering time.
Health Anxiety during a Pandemic
As someone with health anxiety, I generally struggle to cope when dealing with unknown or unexpected illnesses; whether that be something that is on the surface relatively minor like a random sickness bug from either of my children (I am an emetophobic!) or the more severe health concerns, such as aftermath of my dad’s heart attack (where he basically saved his own life); or losing my previously fit and healthy 63 year old Mum to breast cancer after a very short illness.
I personally too have had my fair share of stressful health experiences including contracting Sepsis after my daughter was born and most recently having a melanoma in situ removed from my back. I have a tendency to always fear the worst when it comes to ailments and symptoms, heightening what my therapist described as ‘localised panic disorder’. At its worst, my worries could bring on panic attacks or ‘episodes’ out of the blue where I struggle to cope but don’t always have a clear trigger as to why.
At the start of 2020 I felt in a good place. I was exercising regularly having completed the couch to 5k running programme, was having some much needed ‘me time’ at my running club twice a week and after having sessions of cognitive behavioural therapy and using some mindfulness techniques such as Calm and Headspace, I finally felt much more resilient and that I had my anxiety back under control.
Then lockdown hit, and I’m not going to lie, I found those first weeks of lockdown at home incredibly tough. The panic buying and empty shelves really made me fear the worst, the daily updates of cases and deaths, and the building of Nightingale hospitals across the country meant I found my mind working in overdrive, feeling nauseous and unable to sleep, often lying awake till the early hours of the morning struggling to switch off from the constant barrage of breaking news updates and bad news. I was scared. Not only of getting coronavirus or my friends and vulnerable family members falling ill; but also of getting ill with anything else that may require a hospital visit. No one could tell me that everything was going to be ok; because none of us really knew, not completely, whether it would be.
From the 17th March until the 26th April I didn’t leave the house at all. Not even for a short walk around the block. Despite having just completed my couch to 5k and enjoying the freedom that gave me; I felt to exhausted, too weak, and too worried to leave the house.
Suddenly at the end of April something switched in my mind. Whether this was the point that I realised this lockdown was likely to be for the long haul, or whether I just started to feel trapped within the confines of my four walls I will never really know, but I signed up for a virtual running challenge and it gave me the kick up the backside that I needed to put my mental health first.
Since the 27th April I have ran or walked every day bar 1 (Erin’s Birthday!), ensuring I meet 10,000 steps a day and getting some much needed time outside. In the last 2 months I have so far covered over 250km by walking/running alternate days and am now running a minimum of 5k each time. I am super proud of my commitment to running and long may it continue!
How running has helped my mental health:
- Sense of achievement – I’ve always been relatively competitive in nature and love to set myself goals, targets and objectives to work towards. Once I set my mind to something, I am normally pretty good at sticking to it, so having a virtual running challenge meant that I could focus on achieving my goal. I tracked my km’s every day; even making a little list to total up my progress, and seeing that I was moving forward and getting closer after each session really kept my motivation high. During lockdown it can be easy to feel like you’re failing at everything, so having even the smallest of achievements to celebrate was a real positive.
- Improved physical fitness – Many of those who have contracted coronavirus have been overweight; and carrying far more weight than I should be myself, I felt that exercising and improving my level of fitness would give me the best chance of fighting coronavirus if I was unlucky enough to contract it. I started taking my daily vitamins, trying to eat better and ensure I reached at least 10,000 steps a day. My strength and stamina has improved hugely over this period and during lockdown I completed my first ever 10k.
- Better sleep – Adding in physical exercise to my day meant that when it came to bedtime, I was physically more tired and have found myself able to switch off more easily. This along with limiting my social media channels to reliable news sources and reading more books before bed had a big impact on my sleeping patterns.
- Physical feel good – Going out early mornings for a run or walk has really set me up for the day; releasing endorphins and improving my mood. Although at times running has felt tough (particularly in the heat) its never really felt like a chore. I am never normally a morning person, so setting my alarm for 6am and going out before the girls wake up has been a massive change to my routine but has felt like the perfect time to go.
- The SILENCE – There has been something so magical about going out running early in the morning during lockdown. I head out about 6.30am and hearing no cars, seeing no traffic jams and not having to worry too much about crossing the road has felt so surreal. This empty space and freedom was peaceful and calm. I will miss this as the world starts to open for business again. This sounds like a huge cliche, but sometimes I’d stop for a few minutes just to listen to the birds sing by the lake. I can’t remember the last time I ever just stopped and took it all in.
- Audio books – For a bit of lighthearted escapism, I’ve been listening to some audio books whilst I run. I’ve laughed; I’ve cried (almost) and I’ve let out little gasps of shock mid run by becoming so absorbed in my book that I kind of forget what I am doing. Whilst I love running to a fast beat when I’m trying to run a bit quicker, I’m perfectly content plodding around listening to my books and it takes me off in to another world for a while.
- Time away from the children – As harsh as this may sound and as much as I have honestly adored spending time with my girls; all day, every day, 24/7 is pretty relentless. This hour to myself before they wake up and physically descend on me is a rare treat. With both girls at home (potentially till September) this is something that I feel is really needed.
- Discovering hidden treasures – Planning out different running routes and exploring my local community has been amazing – I have found so many beautiful little cut throughs, bridal paths and open woodland that I will be honest I never even knew existing pre lockdown and I’ve lived here for 7 years! Taking some time to appreciate the outdoors and see the colours, flowers and appreciate the change in the seasons has been really good for the soul.
- Giving Hope – The sense of community in my local town has been amazing – from positivity rock lines to handprint rainbows and messages to our key-workers and NHS heroes. Spotting all these community thank yous on my runs has really raised a smile and I’ve been capturing them on my phone camera for my lockdown journal.
- Staying connected – My virtual running group has a Facebook group where lots of lovely ladies share inspiration, advice and support, whether they are running 1k or 20k, fast or slow, it’s been really lovely to see and learn more about people’s reasons for wanting to run. We’ve celebrated achievements, helped people refine their mojo, and inspired others to get off the couch and head out the door. It’s been a hugely valued resource.
Now that I have adapted to this new normal, I am hoping that whatever post lockdown brings, I can retain this sense of freedom; this stress release and this sense of solidarity that running has given me. If you’re thinking of starting running yourself, the couch to 5k is a great place to start. I answer all your questions on the programme and how it works here.
What has kept you sane during lockdown?
