This bed ain’t big enough for the… (all) of us

*This is a collaborative post

When we invested in a new bed for our bedroom late last year…. we failed to take one important thing into account.

KIDS.

We wrongly came to the assumption that this luxurious double bed with its super soft springy mattress and it’s stunning grey divan with would be big enough for the both of us. We had an illusion of the two of us, contentedly sleeping soundly in our brand new bed. A side each, space for a cosy spoon should the feeling take us and ample room for a Ross Geller style “hug and roll”. We have never been snuggly sleepers and with most nights involving me spending the majority of my limited sleep type elbowing him in the ribs for his 5 types of bloody snoring; the further I can get away from the sound vibrations the better.

What we failed to consider when making our purchase was our children – a rookie parenting error perhaps. We wrongly assumed that Erin’s cabin bed and Neve’s spacious luxury cot would be sufficient for their needs. Instead, we get this… slap bang in the middle.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I have spent the majority of the night laying on a slither of mattress, feeling my left butt cheek go ever so slightly numb from balancing my entire body weight strategically on the edge whilst using all my remaining energy in an attempt to not fall off the bed.

My bed. The bed I am now destined to share.

Well newsflash, this bed ain’t big enough for all of us.

Some nights start off well, before I am woken for the 20th time and can be heard muttering a range of expletives followed by something along the lines of “JUST BRING HER IN HERE” before dragging out the v pillow, plonking it in the centre of the bed and accepting my inevitable fate, shifting over to my personal inch of mattress where I then settle, in a huff, for the night.

Had we thought about things properly, we’d have invested in a bigger bed, however this wouldn’t be the norm so it seems.

According to research, British homes have halved in size over the last 90 years, meaning more and more people are buying shorter length or narrower beds for their smaller bedrooms. On average, new houses in Britain are only 92% of the government’s recommended size, making them the smallest in the whole of Europe. As such many couples sacrifice a good nights sleep for a smaller bed in order to save space, space which is of a premium.

A recent report by John Lewis revealed that in 2016 they sold 53% more ‘small double beds’ compared to in 2015. Small double beds are around 15cm shorter than traditional double beds.

But take it from me, DON’T DO IT. You will destine yourself to a life sleeping on your children’s bedroom floor, or worse, sharing a toddler bed with a snotty and ever so slightly sweaty 3 year old. We made the wrong choice. Having learnt from our mistake I can categorically say now that bigger REALLY IS better!!

When we went to Center Parcs last year, we pushed two double beds together to create one giant bed and all slept together in one room. It was epic. I had the best night sleep I’d had in months, and felt like I was sleeping alone, despite being within arms reach of my loved ones.

Clearly we can’t replicate that at home, but I’ve come to accept that we should’ve got a Kingsize. Hell, if it would fit, we should have even got a spacious spacious super King. I’d have potentially had to sacrifice my bedside cabinet, but who cares? I barely even use it. My brush, book and bag full of crap that I haven’t even looked at in around 6 months (we all have one right?) could go in the under bed storage instead.

If I had a super king id be able to roll over. Spread out my arms. If I was feeling particularly adventurous I could even try out the classic starfish position!

I’d have more under bed storage – more places to stash those Christmas presents, the presents that I am slowly running out of places to hide. More storage to hide those purchases I shouldn’t have even made before wearing them with a statement “oh this old thing, I’ve had it for ages”

I could block out the sound of Mike’s snores with an entire pillow fortress, surrounding my entire body with feather down pillows.

I could wriggle, shuffle, snuggle or even do the running man in my sleep…… Hell, I could actually SLEEP!

So I’m sorry double divan. We need to say goodbye.

I’d love to say “It’s not you, it’s me” but the truth is- IT IS YOU. You’re not big enough for me.

I’m trading you in for a taller, stockier model, and I’m not even ashamed to admit it.

I’m sure one day, you will make someone very happy. A student, a teenager, a tween going into their first BIG BED, but for my family, for my eye bags and mostly for my sanity. Enough is enough. It’s time to say farewell.