Have You Ever Been Mum-Shamed? Here’s How To React

*This is a collaborative post

If you are a mum, you will know the feeling of not being good enough. Even the most perfect mother in the world sometimes feels like a failure, due mostly to high expectations placed on mothers in our society. Unfortunately, many of us have ways to go when it comes to feeling confident as mums!

One of the most surprising things that can happen as a mum is being judged by another mum. We are used to society judging us – how we look, what we wear, how much we work, and all the rest of it – but when another mum does it, it’s enough to make your blood boil.

If you have ever been mum-shamed, this post is for you. Let’s take a look at how you should react when it happens – and why you should never partake in that behaviour yourself.

Why you shouldn’t mum-shame

As parents, we have our own set of values. These values encompass how we raise our children – from big concepts like religion, to small things like bedtimes. A mother and father / co parent tend to agree on these values, but other families might see your decisions as wrong, as they might clash with their personal values.

Mum-shaming comes along when a Mum decides to push their own judgements onto the way you raise your children – the perfect Mum brigade! It could come in the form of a snide comment, a lecture, or even gossiping about you behind your back. It’s an awful feeling when it happens.

If you are ever tempted to mum-shame, think about how you would feel in that situation. All mothers try their best, and of course, we all make mistakes – we’re only human! There’s always the temptation to mum-shame, but at the end of the day, it’s never worth the hurt it causes.

How to react to a mum-shamer

Now for the hard part: how do you react when a mum shames you? Many women report being shamed for using formulas such as Alula infant formula rather than breastfeeding, or for working full time and hiring help for their kids. Mum-shaming comes in all shapes and sizes.

Here’s how to react to a mum shamer.

• React with kindness. Most of the time, mum-shaming comes from a person’s own insecurities about how they raise their own child. They are lashing out at you because you’ve rattled their worldview; there’s no point in rising to it. Ask them: are you alright? What’s causing this unkindness? 
• Set your boundaries firmly. If someone judges your mothering straight to your face, you need to be bold and set your boundaries. Tell them that you won’t be spoken to in that way, and to mind their own business. You don’t deserve to be mum-shamed, and you need to make that clear.
• Distance yourself from that person. If this person consistently attempts to lower your confidence and makes you feel worse about yourself, it’s time to put some distance between you. 

In conclusion, mum-shaming still exists in this day and age – but there are ways to face it when it happens!