Not another body confidence post…

Body confidence. *YAWN* – I know what you’re probably thinking. Yet another blogger (or is it blaggers that most people affectionately call us these days?) writing about how they’ve learned to embrace their curves, be proud of their tiger stripes and love their body, as after all, that body bought two beautiful babies into the world. Don’t worry, that’s not where this post is going.

It’s not that I think any of those things are wrong, I honestly don’t. But it’s just become a bit of a cliche. Something that sadly makes me roll my eyes every time I see it. Every other blog post, every other social update, every ‘keeping it real’ square on Instagram has become filled with people saying that basically it’s ok to put on weight, it’s ok to be heavier than you once were and that it’s ok to not take care of yourself as much as you used to, because you’ve got children now, and ultimately they come first. And they do, they totally, 100% come first.  But it shouldn’t have to be that way.

But for me, it’s not ok. 

My children have come first. So much so in fact, that the combination of parenting, working and blogging (which is a 2nd income now and not just for shits and giggles) has clearly taken its toll. The girls may look pristine and perfectly dressed the majority of the time, but other than the very rare occasion, I, on the other hand, look a disheveled grey mess, and one who is rapidly running out of clothes that fit.

I weighed myself at my Dad’s house this weekend and I was ashamed. Embarrassed even. I actually wanted to cry.

The reality is, I knew it would be bad, but not how bad, and whilst I fully appreciate that weight is “just a number” – it was a number that I didn’t want to see. It shocked me, and I vowed right there and then that enough really is enough. There’s a reason why I have avoided catching up with friends I haven’t seen for a while and this is it. I know the first thing they will inevitably think when they see me. “Wow, Lucy’s put on weight” – How bad is that? There’s also a reason why there are very few photos of me on the blog or with my girls, or when there is one, I have a child in front of me, covering my body or hiding my ever increasing ‘curves’ from the shot. When your lack of body confidence leads to this kind of behaviour, then something’s got to give.

I can’t blame the pregnancies, the baby weight or simply getting older. I can’t even blame the sleep deprivation or the busy lifestyle, I can only really blame myself. I am TWO STONE heavier than I should be, and it’s for two reasons and two reasons only – I eat badly, making poor food decisions and I no longer exercise enough.

Whilst I could reel of lots of excuses about why I’ve comfort ate, the stresses I’ve been through in my personal life over the last 2 years, my anxiety, the melenoma in situ. None of them take away the fact that I’ve quite simply taken my body for granted, and I am cross with myself. Cross because just over a year ago, I was running 5k 2 or 3 times a week and losing weight and felt good, physically and mentally, and then the panic attack came out the blue and I have barely ran since.

So now it starts. Mission get Lucy back. I have two stone to lose and I am going to stick to the traditional methods of shifting it – eating less and moving more. No crazy diet fads, no starving myself, no setting unrealistic goals but slow and steady getting Lucy back.

Because I am a Mum, I do put my kids first, but I also need to start taking care of me too. I’m not getting any younger!

Wish me luck, and please feel free to remind me of this post when I start staring at Cadbury’s Marvellous Creations (damn you you sweet sweet slab of dreams).

Lucy xxx