On the Eve of becoming a Mother…

#AD This is a collaborative post

Potentially, In just a few days time, my close friend could be welcoming her first child into the world. I am beyond excited for her I honestly don’t think I will sleep. Watching my friend go through her journey to conceive, and finally learn they were going to have a baby is about as close as it comes to having another child of my own, and I know I will be an emotional wreck seeing that first photo of her with her baby boy or girl (yet to be established!) finally nuzzled safely in her arms.

She’s coped with the nausea, tender nipples, her growing bump and even some of the more bizarre pregnancy symptoms (where she asked me “Is a sore throat a sign of early pregnancy?!”) and now with just days to go, the moment is here. She’s finally going to become a Mother.

There are so many things I wish I’d known before coming a Mum, so many things I took for granted, didn’t fully appreciate or was completely naïve about, so I thought I’d share some of my *ahem* pearls of wisdom.

To my friend, on the eve of becoming a mother, here are the things I never knew:

1. Sleep is precious. Take a moment before your baby arrives to just SLEEP and to embrace the comfort of your bed. The softness of your pillows, the warmth of your duvet, the room you have to spread your legs and shuffle your cosy feet. It may be the last time (for a while at least) that you get to have an undisturbed lie in, lay in it at your leisure or sleep without an arm / leg / bottom in your face – so enjoy it! Cherish those final solo sleeps with no alarm clock, no agenda and no interruptions – sleep deprivation is pretty much inevitable.

2. You cannot imagine how much love you can feel for someone that you’ve never really met. Suddenly this little person is your entire world – you would die for them, move mountains for them, take on anyone who tried to hurt them. You can expect to spend the majority of those first few hours as a Mum just looking at their perfect little face- studying it and marvelling at how you can ever possibly have made anything so beautiful.

3. It is not a failure to ask for help. Be kind to yourself. The first few months can be tough. Take all the help you can get! If someone offers to watch your baby whilst you have a sleep – let them do it. Make your dinner? Yes please… Wash the dishes? Allow them with open arms! Sometimes even the little things can be a huge weight off your mind. That said the concept of Sleeping When Baby Sleeps is a totally flawed idea. Someone saying that may even elicit the unexpected reaction of wanting to punch them in the face.

4. Your breasts will change into shapes you didn’t even know were humanly possible. If you thought your mammories were big during pregnancy…. just wait. The hours after your baby is born your boobs will morph into shapes you didn’t even know existed, and become somewhat representative of a cross between Wonder Woman and Madonna’s infamous Vogue Cone Bra outfit. Lying on your front, despite the lack of bump, will be almost impossible, and until your milk arrives you will feel like your breasts are actually going to explode. Whilst uncomfortable, the feeling doesn’t last for long. For breastfeeding, nipple cream is your friend.

5. Suddenly everyone is an expert – everyone has an opinion, everyone wants to tell you the best way to do something, and even the ‘experts’ can’t agree on the best approach. At times, this can be incredibly overwhelming and a little frustrating, but listen to the advice, take their comments on board, but ultimately make up your own mind. Parenting elicits more divided opinions than a Brexit vote; but trust your gut, and do what is right for you and your family. No one knows your children like you do. Mother’s intuition is your guide. Whilst the advice of loved ones is nearly always given with good intentions, ultimately you are the parents here, not them.

6. Poo will suddenly become fascinating. Yes really. You will never have imagined the moment where you would enjoy intently study another human’s poo, watching it change colour and shape before marvelling at the moment they produce that first remotely human looking, log type specimen. Your nose will develop the skills of a dachshund in recognising that acid like scent, and you will become talented at identifying a poo’y nappy from across the room. You will inevitably get some smeared on your hands (and maybe even your face if you’re particularly unlucky) during those early newborn nappy changes. Poo smears will be even funnier when they happen to your partner.

7. The time really does fly and it’s not just a cliché. Every time someone uttered those words to me I would simply nod and smile, assuming this was something that parents say when their children are all group up. But time flies – it really truly does. Those first few weeks and months pass by in a blur, and before you know it, the clothes are outgrown, the milestones are reached and you have a five year old sat on your sofa. Trust me, there are times you will want to pause life and bottle it. Enjoy every moment.

8. You won’t sleep much in the first few nights – even if baby is asleep. It turns out newborns make a hell of a lot of weird noises in their sleep – who knew? – Grunts, snuffles and squeaks, or pausing between breaths just long enough for you to jump out of bed in a panic. Unless you are an incredibly chilled parent (I’m jealous if that’s you!), every new sound will have you jolting awake to check that they’re still breathing, or peering your head over the Moses basket like some kind of meer cat whenever you hear them stir.

9. You at times will sit and wonder how anyone thought you were responsible enough to have a baby. All of a sudden you’ve been left in full responsibility of a tiny human being with no instruction manual, no qualifications and no test to certify that you are competent to do the job. The responsibility is both terrifying and amazing in equal measure.

10. If you thought you were late for social occasions before, trust me, you will almost definitely never be on time again. Getting out of the house with a baby is a somewhat military exercise- bottles, nappies, changing bags, change of clothes, rattles, muslin squares – the list goes on. Add in your other half, and you can expect to get there just at the point that most other people are ready to leave. 

11. Your camera will suddenly become your best friend- from the first smile to those first steps, you will want to capture every single memory to look back on with your family in years gone by. Just don’t forget to be IN the photos too. You may feel exhausted, have no make up on, or have a slightly rounder body than you used to, but your children will cherish the photos of them with their Mother – trust me. I treasure the photos of mine.

12. With parenting, everything is a phase. Just as one ends, a new one starts; just as challenging as the last. When it gets tough, remind yourself that this feeling won’t be forever. You WILL sleep again, you WILL get to have a wee in peace, and you WILL get to your hands free at some point in the not too distant future.

13. You will learn to appreciate cold food and drink. Babies have an incredible skill of timing their feeds to mirror the exact precise moment you place something warm in front of you- be it that Sunday roast or that warm cup of tea. Salads and cold pasta will become your friend, and you will develop a talent at eating one handed.

14. A group of friends with babies of a similar age will be your saving grace and worst enemy in equal measure. Don’t compare milestones. There will always be one in your group who claims their child is fluent in Japanese by the age of 2. Remember, the most competitive mums are often the most insecure.

15. Finally, focus on the now. Don’t rush to try and ‘bounce back’ or deprive yourself of a treat, rest when you can, don’t expect miracles and enjoy those moments when your stuck to the sofa with a newborn snuggling on your chest. Those cuddles will be everything when your baby grows up.

To my friend, on the eve of becoming a mother…. You are about to embark on one of the most exciting, nerve wracking, tiring yet hugely rewarding experiences of your life. In just a few days time, you will be gaining the title of Mummy, and welcoming a new member to your family. I am so so proud of you, and can’t wait to hear your news. I’m here, whenever you need me. You’ve totally got this!!!

Lucy xxx