Tackling the Topic of Terrorism with your Children

In the light of the awful news from Manchester yesterday, many parents across the UK will be deliberating about how to explain the events to their children without eliciting further fear and panic.

Thankfully, at 4, Erin is too young to really understand. A friend however, messaged me this morning to say that her girls were notably upset after reading the news on a Newsround app, despite this being an age appropriate version of events.

In describing their reaction, she mentioned a whole heaps of emotions, including tears and upset, panic that Ariana Grande had been hurt, followed by fear of not wanting to go to a concert of visit Manchester again and struggling to understand why someone would want to do such a terrible thing. Her children also wanted to stay at home today, clearly feeling anxious about leaving their Mum.

Where do we even begin to start explaining Terrorism to our children? Should we tackle the subject at all?

I spoke to some fellow bloggers about their thoughts.

Some, like me, weren’t even sure where to start…

“How do I even begin to discuss this with a 5 and 7 year old?” Mum Diaries

“I couldn’t put into words what had happened and explain why people do something like that. I want to keep them in their innocent bubble as long as possible” – We Made This Life

Ensure News is Age Appropriate

Avoid watching mainstream news whilst the children are around. Even with a slight delay, live news is volatile. Thrifty Mum

Whilst the event and the atrocities cant be changed, the way in which it is described to your children can be filtered. CBBC Newsround have published their article this morning, which was very quick to focus on the help that was offered on the day. They also have an advice page for children who may be upset by the news, explaining that upsetting events often make the news because they don’t happen very often

Talk about it and let them ask questions

If they’re likely to hear about it on TV/Online/In the Playground it is much better to be open with them and let them ask questions. Be honest but focus on the positives of what people do.

An age appropriate explanation is ideal, as you can’t hide children from it and let them think we live in this flowery perfect world. – Living with a Jude

It’s better to give them the facts than let their imagination run away with them.  You also can’t control what they hear in the playground – after the London attacks my daughter was full of a version of events she’d been told by another boy in her class – most of it was not only wrong, but highly exaggerated. – Crummy Mummy

I have no idea if I have told them the ‘right’ things or not but decided that it needed to come from me and not school. My Mummies Pennies

Acknowledge their feelings

Let them validate their concerns, and express how it has made them feel – Emma and 3

Focus on the Good

Remind our children that despite their being the odd person in the world who will do bad things, the majority of the world is good.

“Count the number of helpers you can see on screen – put into persecptive that the number of people who do good in the world far outweigh the number who do bad things” – Thrifty Mum

Focus on the number of ambulances and emergency services that helped, the #roomformanchester and the Holiday inn looking after the children. Teach them about all the good people involved – the doctors, the firefighters, the ambulance service and the police, and all the amazing things that they do.

I will be telling my boys to always look for the helpers as love always trumps hate – Tots and Tantrums

Balance Reality with Reassurance and remember that children don’t tend to analyse the news in the same way as adults – Falcon de le Life

Focus on how to keep them safe

My children are 6 and 7 and we talked about the importance of emergency exits and finding a parent or grown up in a scary situation – Kelly Allen Writer

We spoke about being vigiliant and where my phone number is in her school bag just in case and what to do in an emergency – Crazy Mamma

I have given my children tips on what to do – e.g. don’t panic, go to a policeman or another adult if get separated. They have memorised my phone number too. Jacintaz3

Focus on the fact it’s rare

I think it’s important to talk about how the people doing things like this are far from ‘normal’ – Edinburgh With Kids

Remind them that it is news because it is extremely rare and very unlikely to happen. Mama Mei

Cuddles

Remember that just because you child isn’t talking about it, does not mean that they aren’t worrying about it internally. When I was a child I remember worrying so much after world war 3 that I barely slept. Hold them close and give them extra cuddles in case they are feeling a little vulnerable.

Other resources you may find useful:

Newsround Article

Explaining Terrorism to Children

Nasponline – tips for parents and educators