The Overwhelmed School Mum
The Overwhelmed School Mum. *waves* That’s me.
Three weeks into the start of a new school year and I am already feeling completely overwhelmed, just like I feared that I would. I always knew that Year 1 would be a little bit of a step change to reception but even I am surprised at just how much. Everything suddenly feels that bit more serious, more studious, more pressured, and I will be honest, my head feels like it’s about to explode.
The before and after school clubs, the spellings, the reading books and the writing practice. Bloody Biff and Chip. The target books, the school trips and the never ending newsletters. The school council applications, the children’s parties and the constant stream of information that my brain is already too full to process.
The school days pass by in a bit of a blur.
Our mornings are absolutely madness, and if Mike leaves early for work it is often me, madly trying to get up washed and dressed before getting both girls up, fed, watered and dressed before we bustle out the door at 7.50am. I have most nights had a hugely disturbed sleep, with Neve still waking 3-4 times a night at least, so when that alarm goes off at 6.30 I often want to roll over and go back to sleep. I am exhausted. We are often late, I am often shouting and I feel like a constant stuck record asking the girls to Hurry Up before I drop them off and start my own commute to the office. I feel Mum Guilt for the entire journey to work. Guilty that I have rushed them, and guilty that I have raised my voice or snapped.
I leave work at around 5pm and scoop the girls up and head home and start dinner. For that half an hour whilst Mike cooks tea, I could make a start with some reading or writing but we generally don’t. The girls want to see each other and play for a little while – two sisters enjoying each others company, and I want to sit and breathe for five minutes whilst I’m hangry. We might get time to recite some spellings, and I often encourage Erin to sit and write a little about her day, but that;s about as far as we get. We then sit down together as a family to eat. The one calm part of the day. We watch Neighbours whilst we eat our meals and chat about the day gone by.
By the time we have finished it’s generally about 6.30/6.45. The girls are exhausted. We then have the battle of getting them upstairs and ready for bed, which in itself ends up taking about half an hour because they are so goddam slow.
By this point it’s 7.15 and everyone is knackered. If we start attempting spelling or sums with Erin at this point of the day she simply stares back at me with glazy eyes. Whilst she will happily listen to me read to her, if we try and read together she gets distracted by the pictures, forgets how to blend her words or just guesses from what she can see. I am tired, I start to get frustrated. We get to page two and her sister starts crying from the room next door, so we then inevitably give up. The books get shoved back in the book bag, I forget to write in her record book or decide against it, feeling too ashamed to write “we attempted page one and gave up”.
In an ideal world we would read straight after school, but we don’t have that as an option. We could get up earlier in the morning but I am getting around 5 hours disturbed sleep a night as it is, and I am not sure I could cope with anything less. The weekends become our only safe haven, where we finalllly catch up and read – either her school books or her own choice. I ultimately still forget to write in her record book – probably because I am so gobsmacked by the fact we’ve done at least one of the tasks we were set.
We need to find a place for it in the madness of our daily routine but for now I am definitely failing.
I want to say to her teacher, the teacher who doesn’t know us yet and therefore might form an assumption – I’m not a bad Mum I promise. I do care about her education, and I do want her to do well. I’m just really bloody tired. REALLY bloody tired.
I hate the thought that she will see my blog and think that I prioritise this over my children, when the reality is my blog is worked on when the children are in bed, with the exception of toy reviews which are photographed at weekends when the girls are playing together.
I won’t stop the play time because for me it’s just as important. Those down time moments for Erin are just as crucial to her development – learning to share, learning to use her imagination, and practicing her dance routines around the living room. They also allow my girls to see Mummy the way I want them to see me – happy, supportive, care free and calm – and not the snappy, impatient ogre that can appear when I start to feel stressed.
Once the girls are asleep and I sit down, normally to start work or occasionally to write cathartic posts like this and process my thoughts, I read the WhatsApp group with the other parents, all sharing what book stage they’re child’s at or clarifying their understanding of the homework for the week and I feel even worse, knowing that I haven’t even fully processed what needs doing let alone started it. And that reminds me, I still haven’t paid for the school trip, completed the consent form or confirmed she can have the flu shot. My brain is like a sieve.
I am hoping in the weeks that follow to find some kind of routine that works for us. Find time to sit together with our daughter before she gets too tired and help her. Educate her, guide her through her learning targets with the support and encouragement that she deserves. I need to stop the excuses because I know just how important it is.
That said, if someone could just pop a few extra hours in the day between 5 and 7pm, that would be really really helpful!
Please tell me I’m not alone!?!
