How to stop breastfeeding a toddler

As someone who has exclusively breastfed both of my children for extended periods of time, I get asked a lot of questions about breastfeeding, both on social media and via my blog itself. I am by no means an expert, but I have certainly experienced many of the highs and lows of breastfeeding and am more than happy to share my advice and experiences.

Before I had children, I found the prospect of extended breastfeeding a little bizarre, and I was the first to admit that I had even judged mums for extended breastfeeding, thinking it was the mums way of failing to accept that their baby was growing up. Despite initially having these negative thoughts around breastfeeding, I fed my firstborn for just over 2 years, and am currently still breastfeeding a 3 year old. Whilst it was never my intention to breastfeed for so long, we have found a pattern that works well for me and my family but I do wonder how long it will be before we need to stop.

Some of the most common questions I get asked about breastfeeding however, aren’t what you might expect. It isn’t how to deal with nipple confusion, how to get your breastfed baby to take a bottle or even how to cope with mastitis or relentless cluster feeding during the night. It’s how to stop. How do you stop breastfeeding when you are ready? When to stop breastfeeding a toddler? How to stop breastfeeding when the child is showing no desire to self wean? Or in my case right now – how to stop breastfeeding a three year old? Where do you even begin?

I thought it would be helpful to share my experience on how to wean from breastfeeding and the steps we followed with my eldest child, as well as some of the methods I am going to use to stop breastfeeding my 3 year old in the coming months. It is worth noting that you should only stop breastfeeding when you feel ready to do so, and not be influenced by other peoples judgement or opinions. Extended breastfeeding can sadly still be a little taboo, but this shouldn’t make you feel like you need to wean before they are ready. Remember WHO recommend feeding your baby for up to 2 years and beyond!

When to stop breastfeeding?

First things first, there is no right or wrong time to stop breastfeeding, however, I would recommend avoiding a time when you have friends or family staying or an important presentation coming up at work. Making a big change and stopping breastfeeding a toddler or even an older child is likely to be a big change to their routine and as such, is likely to cause a period of unsettlement or even upset as they start to adjust. For that reason, I would always pick a time during the holiday period or when you are around as much as possible, so that they can adapt to the changes without you having to cope with even less sleep than normal.

It probably goes without saying, but it’s also not a great idea to try and wean just after a new sibling has arrived on the scene  (as this could lead to jealousy and feeling displaced by the new baby), or at the same time as tackling another major milestone such as potty training or moving them into their own bed.

Should I wait for my child to self wean?

Many babies will self wean or feed to natural term and make the decision to stop breastfeeding themselves, with some showing signs of weaning from the breast from as early as 12 months, particularly if they are eating well and drinking lots of fluids throughout the day. That said, neither of my children showed any signs of self weaning, and if anything, they used the breast as a comfort to help them settle back to sleep or settle down at bedtime. You may prefer to wait for them to self wean, but you may be waiting some time. There will always be situations where you may need to stop breastfeeding quickly, such as when returning to work, going away or for health reasons, or you may simply decide that your breastfeeding journey needs to come to an end for you and your own mental health.

How to wean your baby from breastfeeding?

Here are the steps that we followed and my tips on how to stop breastfeeding a toddler. I am going to start something similar shortly to attempt at wean my 3 year old off breastfeeding.

1. Introduce another sort of milk – When my eldest was still breastfeeding at two, she had never tried formula, and I was reluctant to introduce it at this late stage, however I did start offering her a cup of warm cows milk before bed. Even if she didn’t drink a great deal of it, we started this as a new stage in her bedtime routine so she got used to this new habit and gradually started to consume a bit more. We did this very slowly, as we didn’t want to stop breastfeeding quickly and completely confuse her. We also didn’t want to stop breastfeeding too suddenly for me either, as stopping  quickly can have a real impact on your hormones and lead to engorgement or discomfort too.
2. Partner take over – After a few weeks of adding a cows milk drink to her bedtime routine, we then switched up our bedtime routine a little more, and instead of me putting her to bed, my partner would try instead. The first few nights were difficult, as obviously she really wanted her Mum, but knowing that her tummy was full from cows milk and that she really just wanted the comfort, we resisted the urge to swap back, and whilst it took far longer than usual, she would eventually drift off to sleep.
3. One step at a time – During the transitional period we did find that she would still wake during the night and occasionally want milk, in which case I didn’t refuse it, but I also took the attitude that if she didn’t ask, I wouldn’t offer. Breastfeeding can become very habitual for both Mum and baby, and when you are tired it can be all to easy to offer the breast as a quick and efficient way to get them back to sleep. Instead if she didn’t ask I would cuddle and stroke her hair, letting her know I was still there to comfort her without needing to feed her like we may automatically have done in the past.
4. Distraction – If your older child is still breastfeeding during the day, distraction can be a very easy way of prolonging the amount of time between feeds and thus the amount of breastmilk they consume. 9 times out of 10 with my girls the request for breastfeeding had been a request for comfort, the feeling of warmth and closeness with their Mum. Teaching them that they don’t have to feed every single time they lie on your chest can be an uphill battle, but they will get there!

For me personally, the biggest factor in successfully weaning your baby from the breast is the support and help from your partner. As someone who isn’t used to waking up in the night (the lucky sod!) Mike found it hard when I asked him to go into her during the night, but her realising that it isn’t always Mummy that can help her get back to sleep was really important.

I know that very soon I will be putting some of these methods to the test again and Neve is extremely stubborn so its not going to be easy!! I will be sad when our breastfeeding journey comes to an end, but there are plenty of lovely experiences to come and who knows, one day I might just get that illusive good nights sleep!

Do you have any tips for how to stop breastfeeding a toddler? I’d love to hear how others have approached it, please do share in the comments below.