The Lonely World of Social Media?
I recently read about the sense of loneliness many women felt when they became a Mum, and could completely relate. The research published by the Co-op and the British Red Cross identified six key life events that can lead to someone becoming lonely, of which becoming a Mother was one.
Being a Mum for the 2nd time is far more lonely than the first. With my first I had a group of NCT friends all of whom had experienced our pregnancy journey together, and who’s babies were therefore of a similar age. We would meet regularly for coffee and cake, have play dates at each others houses and walk round the park in the sunshine. My cousin also had a baby 1 month younger than Erin, and I visited my Mum and Dad on a regular basis. This time around? Most of my friends have already had a 2nd child or are at work full time, and my funds don’t stretch as far from a part time salary to join parenting classes or groups. Being a winter baby too, the dark nights and dull days have meant a lot of time has been spent at home. My mum, who would have been around my house every other day without fail, is sadly no longer with us, and her absence leaves a massive gaping hole. Being a Mum without a Mum is tough.
Being a blogger essentially does help me feel a little less alone. Sure these ‘friends’ are virtual, and some wouldn’t even recognise me in a line up, but I have formed relationships with so many people across the blogging community – both fellow bloggers and mum readers alike.
However, today a 2nd report by US researchers revealed that Social Media could in fact, be making us even more lonely – the very opposite of what they were set up to achieve.
The psychologists found that the more time people spend online on platforms such as Facebook and Twitter, the more likely they are to feel cut off from the rest of the world. People who typically spend more than two hours online a day are doubling their chances of feeling isolated. Doesn’t bode well for me then does it??!
Some points I tend to agree with –
- The more time people spend online, the less time there is for real life social interactions.
- Comparisons of others ‘virtual profile’ can nurture feelings of self doubt and discontent.
- Seeing images of friends enjoying themselves at an event you were not invited to may lead to a sense of exclusion – I do suffer from major FOMO (fear of missing out) so I struggle with this one a lot.
That said, I have also had some huge benefits from Social Media, without which I would definitely have felt more alone and isolated. When I was in hospital following Neve’s birth – two of my regular readers – Kezzie and Jo messaged me almost daily to see how I was getting on. I have never met either of them, but both Mums themselves, something resonated with them, and they reached out to offer support and empathy.
I love the power that Social Media has to bring people together, and I know for a fact I would feel incredibly lost without it. That said, I cannot wait till the start of Spring when we can get out and about more and have some more face to face interactions!
Do you feel lonely as a Mum? Does social Media help or hinder?
Oh lovely, I hear this type of thing from so many second time mums. With your first you’re all in the same boat and make your friends then but with the second it seems so much harder! I can’t imagine being a mum without my mum, it must be very hard for you. I agree with the comments about more online time makes it harder but then I’ve also found friends online to be some of the most understanding – guess it’s about balancing the two!
I’ve had to consciously stop myself from constantly checking my social media accounts, it does make one feel the need to constantly compare lives, of sometimes even complete strangers. Enjoyed reading this x
I wrote a similar post recently about loneliness in motherhood, and how I felt very lucky to NOT feel lonely when I had Alfie because I had so many friends with babies around me. However, I can imagine with a second baby it probably is harder to actually get out there and do things. I think social media is a great tool, and I’m not sure it does make you more lonely – I actually think it can help you meet other like-minded mums which gives you the opportunity to encourage each other out of the house and boost your confidence. That has certainly been the case for me.
Social media has really helped me. I felt so lonely after having Lucas, suffered with post-natal depression too. I am so grateful for a few family members and most importantly my friends after having Iris. I have made so many lovely friends online. Four of my best friends are thanks to social media too. 🙂
I totally get this, although I’m on the opposite end of the scale. My kids are now almost 16 and 12. I started early in life with the babies thing so now everyone from school are just starting their families and going to groups together and my kids are almost old enough to babysit for them!
Social media has helped me find some great blogging friends.
I do feel lonely as a SAHM social media has helped m though and it is how I set up my blog which now actually keeps me sain
I certainly can understand that if you delve to much in social media it can cut you off from the real world I get that, but on the other hand I’ve meet loads of brilliant people who I now deem as friends. X