If you had to ask me the one thing I hate most about being a Mum, my answer would be simple. Judgemental Mums. The onslaught of the “Perfect Mum Brigade“.
Apparently becoming a Mum leaves you wide open to an onslaught of judgement. Rather than Mums having each other’s backs and supporting each other in times of distress or difficulty, we appear to have bred a nation of “Perfect Mums”, judgemental Mums who are very quick to share their tuppence worth. When something bad happens to another Mum, instead of showing empathy and condolences, they pass judgement on how they would NEVER have let that happen to their ‘Little Johnny’, or how Mum should have been doing a ‘better’ job. It makes my blood boil.
I will explain my frustrations.
This week, something horrific happened to a friend of mine. She was out shopping with her 3 year old and 1 year old. A fairly normal, regular activity, and one which most Mums will do on a regular basis. She was in Primark, and her husband called to check what time they would be home. She headed to the lift with her children. In a split second she turned her attention to her son in his pushchair. The doors to the lift closed…. and that is when the screaming started.
In the brief moments she had turned her attention in the opposite direction, her daughter had placed her fingers near the doors of the lift. As the lift doors closed, her fingers became stuck between the door and the wall, and got trapped. Her poor three year old broke her hand.
The situation may have been a lot worse had it not been for the support and assistance of a lady who was there at the time, who helped Helen release her daughter’s hand. Getting her free took the two of them fifteen minutes.
After the event, Helen realised that she had never taken this lady’s name and wanting to thank her, and took her appeal to Facebook, knowing that often the power of social media can help track people down.
The local papers picked up the story and it has since spread to national news. Helen didn’t have a reporter round to her home or sell her story, it simply became viral due to her campaign to find the hero who helped her child.
Whilst there were lots of messages of support, and she has since tracked down the lady who helped, this is also where the keyboard warriors and judgemental Mums got involved.
The following are actual comments Helen received on the story.
“3 yr olds should be on reins or a wrist link when out shopping – especially when one has a smaller or other children to deal with, then they don’t get caught in lifts or have accidents with shop furniture. GET control on your kids and stop blaming shops for your lack of concentration.” – (At no point has she blamed Primark.)
“Look at their compensation face!” (presumably in reference to a photo of the parents taken from her Facebook page)
and
“this could have easily been prevented if she’d used her brain a little bit” – Wow.
I wonder how many of these “Perfect Mum Brigade” judgemental Mums and keyboard warriors have ever had to look after two children simultaneously in a public place. I wonder if they realise that anything can happen in the blink of an eye. I wonder why these trolls haven’t stopped for a nano second to think how this Mum is feeling, having watched her child writhe in agony having gone through extreme trauma at the age of just three.
Yes, we all wish we had eyes in the back of our heads, and yes we at times wish that we could wrap our children in cotton wool and never leave the house for fear of anything bad happening to them but guess what? Accidents happen! It could just as easily of happened to any of us.
I am so glad that Helen successfully tracked down the lady who helped, and that her daughter is doing well despite her recent trauma.
For the judgemental Mums and the Perfect Mum Brigade however, in the words of my mother – “If you have nothing nice to say, please do not say it at all”.
Lucy
Too right! I saw the news and my heart immediately went out to everyone involved – what a terrifying thing to happen!
I think half of those awful comments come from people who don’t have young kids (either haven’t had them or they have long grown up and they’ve forgotten just how quickly something like this can happen!) At least I like to think that, because the alternative is accepting that other mums could actually be so heartless as to judge another mum this way. Whenever I read something like this I can’t help but imagine how I would feel if it happened to us and I simply can’t imagine it, because it is so awful, not because I think I could have somehow prevented it (I hope that makes sense?)
And as for the person who commented about reins and wrist straps – I remember years ago hearing about a child whose arm was badly damaged when the wriststrap he was wearing (the bit that was hanging between him and his mum) got caught in the lift door and as the lift moved height it yanked his arm dangerously fast. Nothing is accident-proof and 100% safe… NOTHING!!
I do hope that your friend and her daughter are both recovering from the trauma of it all (and her daddy who must have been hysterical not knowing what was happening!) Thank God for the kindness, calm, and quick thinking of a stranger who was able to help!
Oh your poor friend, how awful! My daughter (11 months) fell out the bath recently despite me being right there with her. These things happen!
Thank you for pointing out the fact that I haven’t sold any stories or blamed primark! Screw the perfect parent brigade! I love my babies and my babies love me. If I could stop them ever having any future accidents for the rest of their lives I would do anything for that to happen. Wouldn’t we all as parents?! But unfortunately accidents do happen I only wanted to find the lovely woman who helped us and didn’t expect it to go so far on Facebook or to national news or to be so criticised for one of the worst days of my life. Thank you for sticking up for me and to everyone that defended me! I’m rising above the trolls 🙂
How awful for you Helen&your little one.If only we could wrap them up in cotton wool! How can people be so insensitive! Sure you felt bad enough without the judgement of people who probably have no idea of what an achievement it is to go shopping with 2 small children…Or maybe we should just not leave the house?! X
I hate all the hate and judgement! Kids will find stuff to get up to and into and no amount of ‘perfect parenting’ can stop that! Need to give each other a break! #blogcrush
Wow, what is wrong with people? Accidents can happen to anyone! Poor family. The mum must have been so upset without getting criticised too. #BlogCrush
Oh how frightening! This must’ve been awful! I cannot believe how horrible people can be (especially over the internet, from the safety of their own homes) – it really is disgusting. I hope the little girl (and mummy) are okay
#blogcrush