Mummy, When Are you Getting Married?

It was always going to happen. With her having shown so much interest in the Royal Wedding this weekend, it was kind of inevitable.

When tucking Erin into bed last night she turned to me, eyes overtired yet still with that glint of cheekiness that she always carries with her, and asked me, “Mummy, when are you and Daddy getting married?”

SIGH.

Erin absolutely LOVES a good wedding. She was bridesmaid to her Auntie and Uncle when she was nearly 3, and ever since that day she has been pretty much desperate to have another ‘marry party’ to go to. She loves the sparkle, the big dresses, the spinning on the dance floor till way past her bedtime, and the amazing wedding cakes (although I sincerely hope she won’t poke her fingers into the next one!) – (yes really).

The question “When are you getting married” or “Is it your turn next?” is sadly a question I hear all the time – and not just from her! A mother to two children, I am automatically assumed to be a Mrs more times than I care to remember, and sometimes, it’s just easier not to correct. I’ve even been known to refer to Mike as my husband to strangers at times, not because I’m embarrassed that he’s not (far from it), but because it just makes interactions somewhat easier and removes the requirement for an explanation.

The sad reality is, that unlike the lady on Mumsnet last year who was moaning about the size of her engagement ring, I will not be getting married anytime in the near future. 

Am I throwing my toys out the pram because Mike hasn’t put a ring on it? Do I NEED to get married? Is it even such a big deal? 

For me, £1300 is a lot of money. I wouldn’t dare be disappointed if Mike came home with ‘just’ a £1300 engagement ring, however I would feel incredibly guilty. £1300 would pay for an amazing family holiday, a week with our girls enjoying quality time together and making memories that they will cherish when they look back on their childhood. For me, I would much rather mike put the money towards a holiday than towards a ring on my finger. I would just see it as a waste.  

Then there’s the wedding itself. Family is a complicated thing. I have seen so many people fall out during wedding planning over invitations, decisions around kids or no kids, seating arrangements and bridesmaids. For me, none of it is necessary. Do I want to spend a week deliberating about where to sit auntie Ethel or trying to find a way of keeping the two members of the family who hate each other’s guts as far apart as humanly possible? No. Do I wants debates about fairness and feel cajoled into inviting a distant cousin who I haven’t seen for 6 years just because I went to there wedding back in 1992? No. Do I want a wedding journal, cut outs from magazines, three different styles of calligraphy to consider and cake trials, menu tasting and dress fittings, No, No and No! 

The big white dress? It’s just not for me. I worked as a bridalwear consultant for 2 years in my teenage years and have tried on more than my fair share of wedding dresses. When new stock came in, my team would always ask me to ‘model’ it – before parading around the shop whilst they admired all the features in the design. Did I feel like a princess? No. did I feel self conscious? Incredibly. As a short and somewhat dumpy woman (with the excess curves that two children have since bought me), the thought of a day where everyone is looking at me and judging my choice of dress, hair style and make up is enough to make me want to curl into a ball and hide. 

We all pretend that we don’t say anything other than nice things about the bride on their big day, but lets face it, that’s a downright lie – you only have to see the amount of negative comments about Meghan’s dress to realise that if even someone with a £70k budget can’t avoid critique then I certainly wouldn’t manage to do so. Having worked in the industry I am particularly guilty of this – I get cross if a dress hasn’t been fitted correctly, if it sags around the bust or if the waist needed taking in. Do I want someone to do the same to me? No, I’d rather not. I’ve also seen the stock prices too and trust me, that mark up is horrific. 

Are the girls missing out? Possibly. Do I find it hard not having the same name? A little. But overall, that’s just not enough to influence the way I feel. 

For me, what’s far more important is that her parents are happy, and that the girls have a loving family unit to support them as they grow up. If we do decide to get married in future, I can imagine it would be a fairly low key affair, with a small group of loved ones as opposed to a big sit down event. 

So for now, Erin, Im afraid the answer is no, I won’t be expecting a ring on my finger any time soon, however I am more than happy to help play pretend! 🙂

Lucy x