When the newborn days last forever….

As a parent, you never forget those early newborn days. The relentless night feeds. The moments where you see every hour on the clock as it passes you by. The moments when you creep like a ninja out of the nursery, and sneak back under the sheets as silent as a mouse, fearing the slightest floorboard creak will undo all your settling efforts. Just as you feel yourself drifting off, you are promptly awoken by the shallow cries of your child that rapidly increase in volume and intensity – they are hungry AGAIN, and your night shift continues.

You feel like you will NEVER sleep again.

Whilst arguably the most precious time in your babies life, the newborn days are tough, and the sleep deprivation is brutal.   

Looking back on those newborn days, you may remember the constant tiredness competitions between you and your partner, each of you trying to win a prize for the most lacking in shut eye, when you both know full well that you would win hands down. The arguments that ensue when he so much as utters the word tired when you’ve listened to him snoring contently beside you for most of the night, whilst you get in and out of the bed constantly on repeat. The frustrated attempts of you forcing them to try and settle her, before watching him resort to bringing her in the bed or sticking her back against your breast in the mere hope of getting just a few more precious minutes of sleep. 

The rollercoaster of emotions from intense love and affection when they finally nod off to the bubble of frustration and fury when they wake up again just mere minutes later. The getting cross, saying things you don’t mean, taking things out on those around you, only to sit there in a bubble of guilt when you remember that they are just a helpless little baby. You snuggle with them against your chest, their tiny hand clinging on to your t-shirt in a discreet attempt to prevent you from putting them back in the cot unnoticed…. a tactic that normally works. 

You get through the day on less than 4 hours sleep a night. On a good day maybe 5 or 6. You eyes feel heavy, your eye bags have become eye holdalls, and your skin is a unattractive shade of mottled grey.

Thank god those newborn days don’t last forever eh? 

……Except what happens when they do??

15 months old and Neve is still not eating, and as a result; feeding, and sleeping like a newborn.

15 months of having a newborn and I am beyond tired. 

The body can cope with a newborn for a short amount of time. You adapt, you cope, you survive – you hit ‘fight or flight’ mode, knowing that come month 4 or 5, your baby generally starts sleeping for at least 3 hour chunks at a time. The wake ups reduce to one or two a night and the sleep situation starts to improve. 

But not here…. I’m still waiting. It is 4.38 and I am on wake up number seven, even after going to bed myself at 8 in a  attempt at getting a normal amount of sleep. I am probably one of the few people who knows the answer to what happens on a mobile when the clock hits 2am on the day the clocks go back because I was awake.

I am pretty much always awake.  

So if you see me on the school run and I look like I’ve been awake all night, forgive me – I probably have been.

If I am still dressed like a new mum, and still carry more baby weight than I should – forgive me – I am struggling.

If my eyes glaze over slightly when we talk, or I seem distracted, I’m not being rude.

I’m simply mourning that extra hour in bed that I never got to have!! 

xx