The Lonely World of Extended Breastfeeding

When you have a new baby and start your breastfeeding journey, the onslaught of advise can make it a pretty overwhelming place.

Adding to the challenge that breastfeeding is new to both you AND your baby, it appears that everyone (quite literally everyone) has a view on what your doing and how.

‘Hold her like this’, ‘no try this hold instead’. ‘You need to get her to stay on the breast for longer’, ‘don’t let her go longer than 3 hours between feeds’. Then there’s the conflicting messages – ‘breastfed babies don’t get wind’, ‘maybe it’s colic’, ‘she’s cluster feeding’, ‘try and get her to go longer between feeds’, ‘give her some water’, ‘don’t give her other fluids – breast milk is all she needs’ ‘Breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt’ – so why does it hurt?! Urgh. It’s relentless.

That said, for every mixed message you get given about breastfeeding in those early days, one things for sure, in most cases someone you know will have been there. They’ll have come through the cracked nipples and made it out the other side. Worked through cluster feeding and finally got their evenings back, learned to express and have a break, tackled blocked milk ducts and have felt rough as a dog with mastitis and recognise the signs. They’ll be on hand to offer advise for when baby grows her first tooth, starts combining milk with solid food and on how the hell you teach them to cope without you when you go back to work. They’ll even help you with hints and tips when you decide to stop, decide to switch to formula or regular milk or drop the milk feeds altogether.

But when you DON’T stop breastfeeding, everything goes a little bit quiet. Suddenly your pool of contacts for advise and support start to dwindle, and so when you do experience something out of the ordinary; a little bit different to your ‘normal’ it can leave you feeling a little bit lost – it’s a pretty lonely place.

I never planned to breastfeed a 1 year old, I never planned to breastfeed a toddler, and my god I never planned to still be feeding as she approaches her 3rd birthday.

I’m very aware of the judgement and stigma associated with extended breastfeeding and I’ve sadly experienced it first hand. I will also be the first to admit that I too was the one judging before I had children of my own. I didn’t have a clue. But because of this, people may be less inclined to ask for help. Less likely to post in the groups, ask on their socials, reach out to a stranger. It can be hard, you can feel stuck; and speaking as someone who hasn’t had a night away from her since the day she was born; it can be relentless.

I’ve had those horrible comments – the
‘god your not still breastfeeding her are you?’ ‘Is mike still on the boob too?’ (My partner) and ‘bitty’. I’ve even had people tell me it’s weird, and ‘why don’t I just stop’. As if it was that simple. I try and laugh them off but the comments sting. I don’t even know what to say. I now feel embarrassed to talk about it, so I quite simply don’t.

But just because you don’t talk about it doesn’t mean the questions stop.

This week, things have been weird. As the one who’s put her to bed every single night since the day she was born; she’s refused and been fussy 3 nights on the trot. She’s cried and asked for Daddy, once told me my milk tastes funny and then has struggled to settle at bedtime. I want to reach out to a friend and ask ‘is this what natural weaning looks like?’ ‘Is this normal?’ or as google would have me believe ‘shit do I have breast cancer?!’ – (as a health anxiety sufferer, wondering off into the abyss that is google for advice was never going to end well).

But there was no one I could ask. Thankfully I was brave enough to reach out to another blogger @nomipalomy who I knew had extended breast fed her daughter too. Whilst she hadn’t experienced what I had, she could at least offer some insights and ideas to help.

I hate the thought of other Mums feeling just as lost as I have this week so I wanted to say my inbox is always open. I may not have experienced it, but trust me when I say I’ve been through quite the rollercoaster when it comes to the highs and lows of breastfeeding and I’m always happy to give my insights too!