It’s something that no body wants to think about – the loss of a child. Whilst everyone hopes that it would never happen to them, the figures speak otherwise – with figures from Child Bereavement UK revealing that 28 young people, babies and children (under the age of 25) lose their lives every single day. Shockingly that’s around 10,000 deaths a year.
As it stands currently, there is no legal requirement for paid time off for grieving parents, with many employers simply offering around 3 days “compassionate leave”, or ‘reasonable’ time off for dependents (the latter of which could sadly include making arrangements following their death). Even the mere suggestion that 3 days is enough for someone to ‘recover’ from such a devastating experience is hard to stomach, after which a parent is expected to return to the workplace and return to ‘normality’. It’s never going to happen.
Whilst many UK employers will (and are!) more supportive, their is no obligation for them to do so, leaving many grieving parents not only suffering with the emotional hardship, but financial difficulties whilst already in their lowest and most challenging time. I have heard some truly awful stories of parents being made to use annual leave for their child’s funeral, or to have to send their other child off to childcare just a few days after losing their sibling, despite this being the most confusing and traumatic time of their young lives. Or one parent returns to work, leaving the other to grieve alone, when more than anything they need the support of their partner or loved one at home.
Whilst every loss is different, and as such some may prefer to return to the workplace with support of friends and colleagues, the majority need something that won’t heal but will help. Time.
Finally, and somewhat long overdue, something is being done to change this. Last week, the Government have published their Parental Bereavement Leave bill – (parental bereavement (pay and leave) bill) which outlines 2 weeks paid leave for bereaved parents who have lost a child under the age of 18.
For employees with more than 26 weeks service, they would be entitled to two weeks statutory bereavement pay and the bill seeks to make this a legal requirement by the year 2020.
Whilst there is no suggestion that 2 weeks is a date after which everything becomes ‘better’, it is a hugely positive jump forward in supporting grieving parents. From a HR perspective in my opinion however, it is the mere tip of the iceberg in terms of supporting parents. Other support such as counselling and employee assistance programmes, considering flexible working arrangements on their return should also be considered alongside.
National charity Child Bereavement UK has developed a campaign featuring bereaved families and celebrity supporters who have experienced the death of a family member. The #onemoreminute campaign asks them to answer the question “What would you do if you had one more minute” and aims to raise awareness of the needs of bereaved children and families and the benefits of support. To watch the 60 second One More Minute TV ad, click here: www.onemoreminute.org
Child Bereavement UK provide advice and support for parents suffering the loss of a child or children suffering the loss of a parent. For many, knowing where to turn or how to move forward can leave parents feeling completely lost and helpless. With a wealth of resources, Child Bereavement UK can help support families through the ‘what next?’.
*For transparency, this is not a sponsored post, but something that is close to my heart*
Two weeks still doesn’t seem like a very lot of time, but I suppose it’s better than three days. I hope more employers are more compassionate than that… gosh it doesn’t bear thinking about! 🙁
Three days just seems such a heartbreakingly small amount of time. I am so pleased someone is doing something about it, Although I would struggle with 2 weeks too to be honest….
An important issue to raise and something that isn’t openly talked about. Well done for writing this. xx
I lost a child 2 years ago and was given time off, a phased return to work,counselling and all sorts. My boss also went around the team and talked to each person about what to say to me and what no stay. The team we’re given advice by HR and my manager who had been through something similar.
My husband got nothing – not time off whilst I was in hospital or in the aftermath. He broke down earlier this year and has spent the past 6 months in counselling. People often forget about the male parent in these situations and concentrate so much on the mother. It put such a strain on the relationship and we very nearly didn’t make it through together. Makes me both angry & sad.
I’m so so sorry to read this Charli, and it’s so shocking that your husband was treated in that way. I am glad at least one of your employers behaved appropriately but so angry about the other. I hope your husband is getting the support now that he needs x
It’s crazy that this is still a consideration that people in such a horrible situation have to have. Hopefully, even though 2 weeks doesn’t seem like very much, it will go towards helping them, and in the long run be extended as it should be with compassion.
2 weeks is not enough but a lot better than 3 days. Shocking to read Charli’s comment about her partner getting no time off. That is sad. Men and women should be treated equally. Men grieve too.
three days is a joke, with all the planning and everything you are expected to do alongside the grieving process (which in itself takes much longer!) there’s no way 3 days is sufficient. Honestly, two weeks probably isn’t either but at least you’re on a better footing! This bill needs to happen!
It’s a shame that we are meant to accept 2 weeks. I suppose it is better than the alternative.
Such a shame legislation is required. You’d hope that employers would have enough compassion in a situation like this, without it needing legal backing.
You know how I feel about this, I think it’s shocking that 2 weeks is seen to be a positive when it comes to bereavement, especially child bereavement. When Joseph died I was still very much in a state of shock at 2 weeks, even 2 months, and in all honesty even 2 years later I was in no way ready to return to every day life, let alone a job. xx
I had no idea it was only 3 days. Not that 2 weeks is sufficient either but then its better than three days. I would hope employers are more understanding. I just wouldn’t want to think about it…. going to go and check on this kids now! xx
The pain that comes with losing a child, relative or anyone close is not something I want to imagine. Only the bereaved person knows how much it hurts. Therefore, the least employees can do is to give ample time to be able to recover from the loss. . xxx
Oh this could have very well been our reality. Fortunately, our little lady pulled through. I can’t imagine Jim having to go back to work 3 days after losing a baby. I hope extra times becomes a reality for many parents. 🙁
Honestly I think it’s so unfair you’re on given such a short amount of time. You deserve the time you need to recover 🙁 x
Thank you for sharing this as I had no idea! I do have a friend who was once in these circumstances & her employers were so accomodating – hopefully human decency wins through #humpdaylinky