Money Can’t Buy You Happiness… or can it?
Money can’t buy you happiness is a mentality that I most definitely would agree with. Whilst clearly it’s very nice to have it; and a lack of it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction; merely having money on it’s own isn’t enough. For me, there is absolutely zero point having all the money in the world unless you have your loved ones around to share it with. I have always taken the attitude that I work to live rather than live to work, and for me, would much rather earn a middle range salary and have a happy work life balance, than earn more and have no time to enjoy it. My partner feels the same, and we are happy with the household income we secure.
Shepherd’s Friendly recently conducted a survey, partnering up with psychologist and relationship expert, Dr Becky Spelman; to understand more about the impact of money on relationships. Covering a range of topics, the survey asked some potentially taboo questions including Who Should Pay on the first date, and whether you would break up with your partner if they became bankrupt. You can see the full findings of their survey in the infographic ‘How Money Impacts Relationships‘, and my reactions to the research below.
Speaking from personal experience, there are a number of times that money has been a cause of friction in my previous relationships, with arguments about an unfair split of household bills and expenses, to criticising of poor purchase decisions and being frivolous with cash we should otherwise be saving. Despite being a bit of a shopaholic, I have always considered myself to be fairly good with money, keeping a close track on my bills, direct debits and credit cards, managing debts and ensuring that larger expenses are planned for in advance. I accept that not everyone is like that, but it has definitely caused arguments at times.
The survey found that 36% of women said that money played an important part in how attractive they found their partner. I was really shocked by how high this was to be honest, as it seems like a very archaic view. I know that in the traditional sense, men have always been seen as being the breadwinner and as such, a man with a nice secure career with a healthy pay packet would be deemed as attractive. However, the reality is that times have changed – I have always been the larger earner in my relationships and this has never bothered me at all. As long as we between us earn enough to be comfortable, I am not particularly money motivated. For me, there are far more important attractive traits in a man than the size of his wallet (no euphemism intended!) 😉
When it comes to dating – 68% of men felt that they should pay on a first date, where as only 41% of women felt the same. I am a big fan of First Dates on TV, and in a recent episode, one dater (and a strong feminist) was actually highly offended when the man insisted he should pay simply because he was the male. Again, my personal view is that it isn’t necessary (or expected!) for the man to pay on a first date anymore, and I would be much happier going dutch and splitting the bill. I personally feel that these days, women are taught to be more financially independent and pay their own way. If we are seeking equal pay in the workplace, then why should this not be the case? That said, it’s been a fair while since I was on the dating scene!
Very few people surveyed felt the need to keep their salary information private from their partners, and this reflects my own personal views. Whilst I have no issue with keeping finances separate unless you are married (I currently don’t have a joint account for example), I have no issue with Mike knowing how much I own, and how much I take home each month. I would be more concerned about trust and respect if this was something he wanted to keep close to his chest.
When it comes to debts, this is where it can get a little messy. The survey found that 31% of women felt they shouldn’t be responsible for their partner’s debt, and I am surprised this isn’t higher. That said, I am not married, so for me, there still remains that sense of separation from financial affairs. That said, as someone who has always been sensible with my money, being made to bail my partner out of debts or take on the burden of some of his financial responsibilities would probably cause a lot of friction and dissatisfaction in our relationship.
Unsurprisingly, nearly all people surveyed, both male and female agreed it was important to plan for your future. This is something I am incredibly conscious of now that we are parents, and not only have I taken out adequate life insurance policies and invested into pensions, I am madly trying to save a little to put away for life’s key moments and expenses. With two daughters, we could some day have two weddings to help fund, two university fees to pay, and two knee ups to getting on the property ladder, none of which come cheap. I would love to be able to help my girls in the same way my parents did for me.
What are your thoughts on money and relationships? Are you surprised by these results?
*This is a collaborative post*
