The Gender Question – Reveal or Not Reveal??

The Gender Question – Reveal or Not Reveal??

On 29th April 2016, we have our 20 week scan at the hospital and will be given the opportunity to find out the gender of our second child! This time we have decided we would like to know, despite not finding out with our daughter. Having experienced the surprise of not knowing, and knowing friends and family who found out in advance, I can see both pro’s and con’s to finding out the sex!


Here are my thoughts AGAINST finding out the gender:

When we were pregnant with our first we decided not to find out the gender and there were a few reasons why

  1. Firstly, sharing with my partner…

We talked about the moment our child was born, and how my partner would have the joy of announcing the gender to me… i.e. “It’s a GIRL!!!!” Having not been able to experience a lot of the “highs” of pregnancy, e.g. first kicks, feeling your baby grow and move etc, I decided this would be a real treat for my other half and allow him to have a real involvement in the pregnancy. In reality, the birth didn’t go quite according to plan so the announcement actually went like this…. [My Mother] – “Come on Michael, tell her the sex@” – [Mike] – “I can’t move Linda, you do it” [Midwife]- “Are you ok Mike?” (as Mike started to pass out and slide down the wall!!!)

Eventually my Mum got the joy of announcing that we had a daughter which was actually an amazing moment. We lost my mother just 12 months later to breast cancer, so in hindsight, this was the best gift we could have ever given her!

2. The Guessing Game!

There was something really fun about the continuous guessing, with all the old wives tails and everyone having an opinion on the gender! Was I carrying high/low, all at front? Did I have much sickness – ITS A BOY DEFINITELY, or ramzi theory, ultrasounds analysis and even a ring on a string! I guess all of them had a 50/50 chance, but I have to admit despite the odds being pretty even,  I was still surprised when a girl came out!

3) Neutral clothes are really cute!

I personally love to see babies in whites, creams and greys! There is nothing better than that new born baby smell, in beautiful clean clothes (although whoever decided that baby clothes should be a light colour when they inevitably get covered in sick poo and milk was either a) STUPID or b) worked for a detergent manufacturer!). Without knowing the gender, most presents from friends and family will be gender neutral perfect plains, which can also be reused for a second child (stain dependent) without additional costs!

4) Motivation during labour

Not knowing the gender really helped me during labour, I was so excited to meet our baby, and not knowing if they were a boy or girl made it even more exciting. As I’d hoped, it spurred me on towards the end despite a 36 hour labour!

5) A surprise that can’t be matched

For me this is the only surprise you will ever get that is truly amazing and I can’t compare it to anything else! It is such a special moment!

6) Finally, and PLEASE don’t berate me for this – I REALLY wanted a daughter – Deep down, although I never admitted it to anyone, I really loved the idea of having a daughter. Something about being one of two girls, having grown up with female cousins or being so close with my own mother perhaps, but there was something in my subconscious that loved the idea of that mother/daughter bond. At the same time I was aware that whatever the gender I would be over the moon to hold my baby in my arms. I decided by not finding out there was no possible way I could have even the slightest tinge of disappointment if it was a boy! I know however I write that it sounds awful, but hoping some other parents can relate!

So, you may be wondering – why this time have we changed our minds? Do I not agree with the above anymore? Or have I just become impatient in my old age? Well this time, I feel a little differently. I still agree with all of the above, however I also think there are a few reasons why finding out is preferable second time around

  1. Involving my daughter

My daughter is nearly 3, and therefore is of an age where she understands that Mummy has a baby in her tummy, and talks to it, ‘reads’ it stories etc, and therefore I feel her knowing whether she is having a baby brother or sister will really help prepare her for the new arrival. At this stage, Erin is convinced it is a ‘girl baby”, and the reality is that would probably be her preference, so if it is a boy, we have time to help prepare Erin for the arrival of the blue variety instead. Either that or the poor guy will be wearing a Belle outfit and tiara from the age of 6 months.

2. Planning

First time around we went a little girl crazy, and as stupidly bought a lot of things in pink (school boy error!). As such, we have a lot  of products that can either be a) reused easily with a second girl or b) sold on to make some funds back towards buying more. I also have bags and bags (and BAGS!) of girls clothes that were only worn once or twice, including gorgeous converse trainers that Erin literally wore once before her feet grew. Again, knowing in advance if we are having a boy will give me time to sell on and reap some money back towards a new “boy” wardrobe. Again, either than or the poor guy will be wearing frilly tops and skirts from the age of 6 months.

3. Impatience

Ok. OK! I admit it, there is also an element of impatience, in that I simply don’t want to wait!! 🙂 – pregnancy this time around seems to be flying by, but we are desperate to know the gender of the child who will complete our family.

4. It’s still a surprise!

The surprise is still there, it just comes earlier! So we will know on delivery day, but we will still have the TA DAH moment just 20 weeks earlier than before! 🙂

5. Sharing with Family

We are hoping to have a gender reveal with friends and family the following weekend, and my Dad is making the gender reveal cake. The sonographer will write the gender on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope – and then Dad will make the cake with pink or blue sponge. We will learn when we cut the cake! In a way this is my treat to Dad, in that he gets to find out the sex before we do! 🙂

The risk is, especially after our first two scans, that baby will not play ball! He or she so far appears to be a little camera shy, and faces mostly the wrong way during ultrasounds, so who knows, we may not even get the choice!

Watch out for updates soon when we share the big surprise! 🙂



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Hi, I’m Lucy, a thirty something mum of two from Birmingham. A memory maker, tradition keeper, stationery addict and Mr Men fanatic. HR Advisor by day and sleep deprived Mama by night!

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