Comparison: The Thief of Joy
As the saying goes….”comparison is the thief and joy“, and as of late, I have proven that this is most definitely the case. Comparing yourself to others, unless done proactively and as a means of personal development can be toxic, and has no positive benefit whatsoever. Yet I still do it. All the freakin’ time.
I have always been one of those Mums who compares myself to others, and 9 times out of 10 the comparison has a negative consequence. It’s now etching its way into not only my personal life but my blogging life too and it HAS to stop.
From comparing by bump size during pregnancy, to the length of my labour.
Comparing the number of hours between feeds to the timing of the first roll, the first word, the first steps.
Comparing the weaning process, and being left disheartened and disillusioned when I realise that I have failed not only to successfully wean my first child but also my second.
Comparing my body to those of other mums with children the same age, those who have ‘bounced back’ or get enough sleep to have energy to exercise and make good decisions rather than sit stuffing their faces with chocolate and then wondering why they can’t get into their pre pregnancy jeans.
I looked around on the school run this morning and saw other mothers in skinny jeans, fitted work dresses and heels, before looking down at my jumper to see a fresh trail of baby snot right across the chest.
Whilst on maternity I have put my heart and soul into the blog, yet I watch as other, more successful bloggers get the work I wish was landing in my inbox. And I feel jealous. Proper green eyed monster. I hate it, but I can’t help it. Whilst I am happy for the bloggers involved, and know that they have earned the right to their success, I wish it was me. And it sucks.
However, I am NOT this glass half empty person. I never have been and I never want to be. It’s not my style, and if my Mum was here she would be giving me a huge preverbal slap round the chops.
Comparison CAN be healthy, when you focus on the positives.
My bump was big in pregnancy because my baby was being protected. She took 36 hours to come because she wasn’t quite ready to enter the world, and she was most definitely worth the wait.
Each baby is different and each baby is special, developing at their own rate as and when they are ready. I successfully breastfed, albeit regularly, but as a result I have given both my children an amazing gift. I have stuck at it when the going has been tough and even when I have been desperate for sleep, but I have put their needs above my own. I am proud of this. Yes more sleep would be good, but it will come, in time.
The weaning hasn’t gone well, but my babies are growing and are happy and healthy. Sometimes I feel proud to have even got them through the day. The normal meals will come, in time.
My body isn’t what it used to be, but it has been through childbirth twice, and this time last year, this body couldn’t even walk. Sure, it may be a lot rounder than it used to be, but it’s mobile. Something I used to take for granted and never will again. The running and the fitness will come back – in time.
I will never be a yummy mummy, and whilst the kids are little there will nearly always be some kind of snot related stain on my clothing somewhere, but I will get myself back to some sense of normality. In time.
The same goes for the blog. Being a successful blogger takes time, and it’s easy to forget that. Whilst I may be four years into my blogging journey, just over 12 months ago I lost my entire blog when my webhost went AWOL. I could have given up and archived that part of my life, but I refused. I rebuilt it from scratch and started again, right from the very bottom. I have put my heart and soul into the blog over the 9 months, and have almost hit 100,000 views this year, which whilst small fry to some, is a MASSIVE achievement which ever way you look at it. The blog is rebuilding itself, and the work will come. In time.
So will I stop comparing completely? No – that is highly unlikely, but I do need to channel that energy into a more positive outcome. Learning from their successes, what they’re doing well and attempting to replicate it myself. In the same way as comparing my parenting, I am never going to be a Pro Blogger OR a Super Mum, but I can aim for being reasonable at both…. in time.
Do you compare yourself to others?
How do you avoid the green eyed monster?